Reproductive Jeans

In Case You Miss Me...

2011-08-01T18:37:00.002-04:00

I'm still around, still writing!

Just not here anymore.

I'm just right around the corner at a new address: www.reproductive-jeans.com

Same name and everything--just needed to put on a new pair of "jeans"

Come on over, and be sure to update your feed (info over on the left sidebar!)

You can still find all my old posts, too!

P.S. I miss you!

P.P.S. I tweet really random stuff. Do you? Let's be friends! @reprojeans

I'm Moving!

2011-06-30T15:14:00.003-04:00

I stand in the doorway, offering a toast to the amazing space this has been for me. This is not the end. New beginnings only a click away. I hope you'll join me. I've swept the Welcome-Mat, placed hors d'oeuvre on the coffee table and have lots of chilled wine waiting.

Please update your subscription to find me at Reproductive-Jeans

See you there!

Random Fact Friday: Carladderaphobia

2011-06-24T08:00:00.013-04:00

Do you have Carladderaphobia like me? It's my made up word for the fear of driving behind a truck with a ladder attached to it. Gives me the heeby-jeebies!

*Feel free to share your own RFF on your blog; please just reference Random Fact Friday @ Reproductive Jeans*

Random Fact Friday: Careful Steps

2011-06-17T08:00:00.005-04:00

I will not walk on any street grate or air vents in the sidewalk. *creeps me out*

*Feel free to share your own RFF on your blog; please just reference Random Fact Friday @ Reproductive Jeans*

Random Fact Friday: Sleep Timer

2011-06-10T08:01:00.001-04:00

I like to fall asleep with the TV on--bless the invention of sleep timer! But the funny thing is: even though I'm not necessarily watching, the channel must be set to something I would enjoy watching while awake.

Random Fact Friday: Pluck It

2011-06-03T08:00:00.000-04:00

The only place I shape up my eyebrows is in my car using my visor mirror. Natural light works wonders.

Wordless Wednesday: In Need

2011-06-01T10:51:00.000-04:00

(originally taken the night I started bleeding from my hematoma)

In need of holding onto

"Praying Man"

today.

Recipe Box: Peach or Cherry Pie

2011-05-30T08:00:00.001-04:00

*you can see the original post here and the 2nd recipe here*

I love the project that Calliope has been working on to share some recipes from the rolodex of her lovely grandmother, Millie. With her permission to share something similar, I'm going to open a treasured wooden box and pull out a few family recipes from our household.

The last family recipe that I will share is in honor of some recent reasons to celebrate: a college graduation, blowing out 31 candles on my cake, my sister's birthday, a few wedding anniversaries, new babies --and goodness knows its nice to celebrate after the dramaz this year!

Peach or Cherry Pie:

Directions:

Melt 1 stick of butter in casserole dish. Then mix to a batter the following:

1 cup sugar
3/4 cup flour
2 teaspoons baking powder
3/4 cup mil
Pinch of salt
Pour this batter over butter, do not stir
Add can of peaches or cherries or fresh peaches
Bake 30 minutes at 350

Random Fact Friday: Sweet as Honey

2011-05-27T08:06:00.001-04:00

Until about the age of 12, I was convinced that bears made honey, not bees. I blame this little dude.

Swimming in Circles: Book Review & Giveaway

2011-05-24T10:30:00.001-04:00

When Mook and I stared at the results of his sperm analysis, life changed forever in that instant for us.

The results were bad. Truly bad--and the even harder part is that we were prepared for the problem to be with me. Such a "standard" when thinking about why you aren't able to get pregnant--the woman automatically thinks: "something is wrong with me!"

So as we absorbed what the doctors were telling us, we were both wondering how we were going to navigate this path that had been laid out for us? I was having a hard time finding books/websites/blogs that had any more than a blip about male factor infertility.

Thankfully, I connected with the ALI community and it became a place where I learned, shared and received support. But as I've mentioned before, Mook was dealing with the diagnosis in more private manner and felt isolated as far as sharing his feelings and connecting with other men experiencing a similar diagnosis.

I only wish we could have had a book like Swimming in Circles by Michael Barr for Mook and I to read together during those really dark days. However, it has proved to give us some "back-dated" healing after absorbing Michael's thoughts and reading about the experiences he and his wife went through.

Thanks to the wonders of social media, Michael and I have become blog and twitter pals in recent months, so it's meant a lot for us to be able to have this connection.

He has graciously offered to giveaway a signed copy of his book! You can also read the first 64 pages here.

Here is a quick blurb from Michael during one of our discussions:

"...if you think infertility is a taboo subject to begin with, just imagine being a guy. That's quite honestly why I wrote the book - almost all the books and all the (good) blogs are from females, and while it's not impossible to interact, I think guys often feel like the impostor - so we often lurk, but rarely share. I just about went nuts going through all the in vitro because I literally had nobody to talk to about it - and the book became the outlet. What comes out quite literally looks like a love story with all the ridiculousness of our lives and infertility mixed in. I'm not sure that's going to get guys out of their man-rooms and into the discussion, but at the very least, maybe the story will resonate with them a little and they won't feel so alone. If that happens, I've done my job."

Michael has also offered to hold a Q & A session here for anyone who has questions about male factor infertility, his book or other question about his journey--just ask in the comment section!

And now onto the giveaway!

To enter to win a signed copy of Michael's book: ways to enter!
1) Leave a comment below discussing your thoughts on male factor infertility. For example: is it talked about enough or not? Do you think men suffer just as much as women in the IF journey?
2) "Like" Michael's Facebook Page for Swimming in Circles (leave comment stating you did so)
3) Tweet this post (leave a comment stating you did so)

You can enter the book giveaway from May 24, 2011 - May 31, 2011 and a winner will be chosen by a random generator. Please leave an e-mail where you can be contacted!

Random Fact Friday: One More

2011-05-20T08:05:00.002-04:00

O-man loves fruit snacks. So much, that he carries the last one of the pack around in his hand for up to an hour. He'd probably make it last longer if I wasn't concerned about a sticky blob landing in an unwanted spot. I love to hear him chant: "One mooooooore" before he pops it in his mouth!

When Are We Old?

2011-05-18T07:00:00.046-04:00

I turn 31 today--officially into my 30's. Last year was a graceful entrance into a new decade, because hey--it's cooool to celebrate milestones.

But I'm not wincing too bad, since I'm thankful that I am able to celebrate my life. We forget too often how precious it really is. Sure, I feel like I'm approaching that age where things are more delicate as far as health and needing to pay a little bit more attention to the aches and pains. But I don't feel old, mentally at least :)

Yes, I have matured. Ive learned lessons and grown from experiences but I catch myself feeling like my inner voice (what, you don't have a little voice that talks to you?!) is still 18...still that eager young girl wanting to reach new heights, experience new things, set new goals.

So if I'm 31 in human years but feel 18 in my mind, when do I officially feel old?

I guess it's all relative, huh? Seems like when you enter your 50's people say, "Oh 50 is the new 40!" and so on--so Im hoping that trend continues as I age! Then at least I'll always average about 30 in my mental age, and I can handle that :)

And since I've started this blog, I can definitely see the way that just the past 4 years have helped me grow...

May 18, 2007
May 18, 2008
May 18, 2009
May 18, 2010

This year I find myself enjoying a week away with just Mook...thankful we are able to spend some time together after the challenges of this year. Also giving us time to be thankful for the little boy we get to go home to, and talking about what other steps we can begin to take for our family.

So while I won't say I'm feeling old, I will be sure and take a deep breath in order to blow out all the candles. I hope you all will enjoy a piece of virtual cake I made sure to bring with me--no calories, I promise!

Recipe Box: Chow Chow

2011-05-16T09:00:00.016-04:00

*you can see my original post here*

I love that this is such a southern recipe. I have learned to have a taste for Chow Chow--and this is a regular request made by Mook. And he loves nothing more than the way his grandmother made it.

Chow Chow:

Ingredients:

1 medium cabbage
1 pt. chopped onions
2 green peppers
2 tbs salt
1 quart vinegar
1/2 lb brown sugar
1/4 cup black mustard seed
1/4 cup white mustard seed
1 tsp celery seed
3 large green tomatoes
1 cucumber (optional)

Directions:

Mix together vegetables with salt-let stand 1 hour; then drain for 3 hours. Mix vinegar, brown sugar & seed. Boil mixture for 1 minute-add vegetables and bring mixture again to boiling point. Pour into sterilized jars and seal.

Random Fact Friday: Spellz

2011-05-13T08:05:00.028-04:00

I am a no-good, very bad speller. I get upset when I'm writing something on paper and the little red squiggly line does not come up when I have misspelled a word.

(I misspelled squiggly and misspelled as I wrote this. *sigh*)

Recipe Box: 7-Minute Frosting

2011-05-09T07:22:00.065-04:00

Unfortunately, I never got the opportunity to meet Mook's maternal grandmother, who he was very close to. However, I have been given a very special gift: her small wooden box full of hand-written recipes. This means a lot that Mook's family has passed this along to me, and I have been taking good care of the 3x5 note-cards so that hopefully I can pass them on to the next generation in our family.

Today, I'd like to share this recipe: 7-Minute Frosting

Ingredients:

2 egg whites
1 1/2 cups sugar
1 1/2 teaspoon light corn syrup
1/4 teaspoon cream of tartar
1/3 cup cold water
Dash of salt
1 teaspoon vanilla

Directions:

Place all ingredients, except vanilla, in double boiler. Beat for 1 minute with electric mixer or rotary beater. Cook over boiling water, beating constantly with mixer or beater, until mixture form peaks (about 7 minutes) Remove from heat. Add vanilla and beat until spreading consistency.

Random Fact Friday: Tear It Out

2011-05-06T08:05:00.005-04:00

Before I read a magazine, I have to go through and rip out ALL of the mailers. This is a must.

Memory Trigger

2011-05-05T14:57:00.001-04:00

I'm currently sitting in a Gastroenterology office while Mook goes through his endoscopy.

1st: It amazes me what other people in a waiting room will share with you. Whether its because of nerves, they're bored during the wait--some of it is just plain TMI.

2nd: I'm having a weird emotional reaction to being here. Mook had this same procedure done on July 1, 2008.

That was the day I received my 2nd beta that confirmed I was indeed pregnant with O-man (then known as Ron!)

So I don't look much different than I did that day 3 years ago since I was only 4 weeks along-but man-my mental state sure is different. I remember being on cloud 9 that day, and today the wave of heartache that is currently washing over me is so palpable. I want that feeling of being on cloud 9 again...

So strange what memory triggers can bring up more intense reactions/feelings than others. Even seeing a box of Omans tiny baby clothes this morning didn't act as a trigger.

The one thing that does make me keep giggling is wondering what obscene things will be coming out of Mook's mouth in about an hour...his recovery last time brought out quite a loopy side of him and he was *quite* fond of using the F bomb.

I better go...more waiting room stories are being shared. I don't wanna miss these...

LOL DRAMAZ

2011-05-03T07:30:00.034-04:00

I haven't turned into an overzealous texting-speak-teenager. There is just simply no other way to look at life lately without adding humor in the mix.

But Im seriously over living in "what could possibly happen next?!" mode--so I'm doing my best to just live in a 24-hour period and not get upset about the past few months or worry about the next few.

Im happy to say that my PET scan came back with no other sign of the BIG C anywhere else in my body. *thank goodness* My inguinal lymph nodes are still getting a photo-therapy treatment every other week--with the possibility that today's treatment could be the last one. Fingers and toes crossed. Next up, I'll be back in my OB's office to discuss thyroid meds and hopefully get this entire thing wrapped up in a neat little box with a bow on top.

I'll also be racking up a nice dental bill this year due to an emergency root canal I had to have 2 weeks ago--and Im still waiting to get a crown put on. Its quite difficult to really restrict chewing food to one side of your mouth. As good a time as any for a liquid diet.

So next up for the Jeans household is an endoscopy for Mook on Thursday--that awful cough he's had since his bout with the flu and mold exposure in January just hasn't gone away. Hes had such a tough time with heartburn, too--so after meeting with yet another specialist 2 weeks ago, we will take this next step hoping for some answers.

O-man continues to be the sunshine in all of the crazy--I love this age. I want to stop time and keep these moments on constant re-play. Maybe not the tantrums, though....

Thanks for holding on through the DRAMAZ the past few months--and good grief, I hope to enter the NO drama zone SOON!

P.S. To keep my mind occupied through the dramaz, I've been reading The Hunger Game series--anyone else as into it as me? I'm done with 1 & 2 and waiting to get my hands on the 3rd...

Dollar and $ense of Family Building: At What Cost?

2011-05-01T15:00:00.000-04:00

Visit Write Mind Open Heart for more perspectives on the Dollars and $ense of Family Building

If two children in a family “cost” different amounts, should that have any significance?

There is an automatic draft for a specified amount that comes out of my bank account every month that began in June 2008 and will keep coming out every month until June 2017 (hopefully sooner...)

This is the price I am paying back to the bank for our loan from our IVF cycles. I jokingly say that O-man is not officially ours until that last penny is paid back. Just a small way that I feel like the whole IF process still has this little nagging hold on me.

So how can I even begin to think about adding another child into our lives when I'm still paying back the bank for the miracle that is sleeping soundly in the room next to me.

Because my heart aches to complete my family.

Reality is though, that we aren't in a position where we can dive into the process of adoption, since that is the only way we will be adding to our family in the future. Will we ever be in that position? If we won the lottery!

But since I know a pretty close dollar figure on what we spent to make O-man a reality, what will it mean if we spend more or less to add another child to our family? I imagine that there would be many conversations eventually about how each child was brought into the family....and I don't know that I can answer exactly how I would address the question of what each child "cost"...

I believe that Mook and I would most likely want to focus on the emotional "cost" -- which would mean explaining how much each of them were wanted and loved before they ever came into our lives. Of course being honest about the actual process of money in the journey, but really focusing on how rich our lives are because of their presence in our family.

It does pull at my heart strings to even daydream while writing this post about having that other person in our family. At what "cost" do we pursue this adoption journey? I don't want to be stressed about money and the financial burden of paying off loans for the rest of our lives. But how can I put a price tag on the happiness of adding to our family?

Random Fact Friday: Dipping

2011-04-29T08:05:00.003-04:00

I dip club crackers in a glass of ice-cold Dr. Pepper. And it's sooooo good.

NIAW: A Manly Myth

2011-04-27T09:39:00.002-04:00

Myth: "I am less of a man because I can't get my wife pregnant"

I have to be honest with you. When I read through the various myths that RESOLVE listed for our amazing community to bust and blog about, I had to sit with the statement above for a few days before I could put my thoughts into words.

You see, that myth almost became a reality for us.

No, no...I'm not calling Mook less of a man at all.

But he almost let that statement define him as we launched ourselves into the world of fertility treatments. I can blog and talk about this easier in the now, but when we were in the thick of it all, I thought I might see the spirit of my husband overtaken by infertility.

Mook was diagnosed in early 2007 with crappy sperm. There's no sugar coating it--he's got bad everything: count, morphology, and motility. When we actually saw the numbers printed on a piece of paper, we were standing in our kitchen...and Ill never forget the expression on his face. I knew that if we were going to make it as a couple and through this journey, we had to address the male factor infertility as a WE and not a HIM. I have always referred to our diagnosis as just that: ours.

We both went through a very similar process as grieving. We wanted to deny that his sperm couldn't do "the job" so we wanted to have another sample tested. The results showed the same numbers--actually a bit worse than the first. So then came the anger: why was this happening to us? Why couldn't we just get pregnant like everyone else? Then there was the bargaining with the doctors--if he ate a better diet, took vitamins and supplements, he'd be able to fix this "problem" and we could improve the sperm on our own. This brought our hopes way up for a few months--but after a third sperm sample came back with the same numbers, we both sank into a state of depression.

And that stage is where Mook and I took different paths...

I was welcomed with open arms into the blogging community and found a place where I could vent, ask for help/suggestions, and feel like I wasn't the only one going through this process.

Mook was of course supportive of the blog--he was aware of it from the very beginning--he read the posts, saw the comments and was grateful for the outlet. But it wasn't providing the same outlet and healing for him...

He seemed fine on the "outside" but was slowly pulling away from me emotionally. Things got really, really tough for us in December/January of '07/'08, and after hitting close to rock bottom, I sought out counseling and was very thankful and grateful that Mook agreed to come so we could work on us. This was not an overnight solution. But as we worked through our sessions, the communication became easier and more revealing of exactly what we were both feeling about the life we were living--focused on having a baby and forgetting that life was going on around us.

As much as I felt like I was being a supportive spouse, it became clear that I was being more of a coach than a wife. Not that it was bad to be positive and on a schedule, but Mook needed to not feel like our whole life was revolving around making a baby. He was feeling "like less of a man..."

We were lucky. Very lucky. We survived as a couple, and we learned things from the counseling that we still practice today. And my husband is an incredible man. Not to mention our 2nd IVF cycle gave us our precious O-man. He's the result of a lot of love, patience, communication, medical intervention, heartache, prayers, and support all rolled into one little miracle.

With this being National Infertility Awareness Week, my hope is that awareness about the male side of infertility will receive more attention. I started this blog 4 years ago noticing that MFI was still a quiet side of infertility, and I still think many men are suffering silently.

This myth is officially: BUSTED!

To learn more about the basics of infertility visit: http://www.resolve.org/infertility101
Read more about the background of National Infertility Awareness Week® (NIAW): http://www.resolve.org/takecharge.

Random Fact Friday: Socks

2011-04-22T13:12:00.001-04:00

I wear my socks inside out because I don't like the way the seams feel on my toes.

Perfect Moment Monday: Blast Furnace

2011-04-11T16:32:00.001-04:00

I wonder if I'd ever be able to work in a library?

As much as I enjoy reading, love the smell of books, and people watching, the "sound of silence" is deafening to me. I have to have some sort of noise. Whether its music, a book on CD, or the TV on in the background, I enjoy sounds.

This sound-need proves to be a bit difficult when it comes to night time. I do not enjoy the sound of snoring (from the human or dog variety--and sad to say, there is plenty of both in my house) I am a perfect sleeper and neeeeever snore ;)

But there is still too much quiet at night. So for the past few years, I have been running a small fan in the opposite corner of the bedroom. It's the perfect white noise to keep out the bad sounds and let me drift peacefully into slumber.

However....my bed-mate loathes this fan. Or as he has always called it: the blast furnace. Poor guy. Gets to sleep in swanky king-sized beds with 500 thread-count sheets 3-4 nights out of the week, and he has to come home to a pesky white noise. (and it helps me block out his snoring that I have not missed)

Recently, after re-fueling my heart and soul with a wonderful estrogen-fest, I was able to quickly kiss Mook goodbye before he jumped on another plane.

Only later that evening did I go into get ready for bed and unpack when I saw this:

Its totally the small stuff that makes my world-go-round. This note will stay there to remind not only me, but him the next time I hear him grumble about my "blast furnace"

What Perfect Moment have you recently been aware of?

Wordless Wednesday: Bumper Sticker

2011-04-06T17:18:00.002-04:00

Pulling up behind this car on the way to my appointment today with this sticker was just too ironic. I ended up doing one of those ugly laugh-cry combos that are only meant to be done alone.

Thanks, universe, for knowing I needed this today.

Ninja Power

2011-04-05T10:51:00.000-04:00

I apologize for not updating sooner--I realized today its actually been a full week since the appointment.

One of my ~~many~~ faults is I get lost in thought when things aren't going so well, and I loose track of time--so, I am sorry. I appreciate the awesome ju-ju that was sent my way and even the gentle reminder from a friend (ahem, areyoukiddingme) that I had not given you all the update.

The short version?

Its not great news but not terrible news.

Can you see where I might get lost in thought when faced with being in that limbo space? Uh huh.

And truthfully, I still don't have the full story to tell since another piece of the puzzle will be answered with an appointment tomorrow.

But first you must know about the wonderful company I had last Tuesday. Don't tell Mook, but I woke up next to another man on the morning of my appointment:


Meet my Pocket-Ninja, Mojo

This little blue dude came in the mail last Monday from my blog-IRL-twitter buddy, Suzy. He also has ninja brothers that are taking up residence in other blogger homes throughout the world. These little guys stay with us in our pockets to remind us of the awesome arse-kicking power of those that stand with us in times of trouble.

So Mojo was ready to rise and shine and get me moving the morning of my appointment. Too bad he wasn't tall enough to make the bed...

Breakfast of champions for a girl with a nervous stomach. Water & saltines


Sitting with me in the waiting room, propped by O-mans sippy cup. We all need some form of support.


Death grip on Mojo as my name was called...

Mojo volunteering to go through the procedure for me.

The photo-therapy treatment was not painful, just ironically looks like a bad sunburn. And it is still never lost on me that it happens to be on my va-jay-jay. Many have said it: could I be more of a Grey's An.atomy cliche?

With a portion of my inguin.al lymph nodes getting a good laser zap and more skin/tissue left in a petri dish, I left the office with a hug from my doctor and a reassuring smile. So glad shes been fantastic with all of this.

And with the post-appointment news that she still did not reach clean cells, I will definitely have one more photo-therapy treatment next week, and more decisions will be made from there. I will also have my thyroid dye test and nodule biopsy tomorrow. If that comes back with anything more than my hormones being completely out of whack, I will move to the big guns: a PET scan.

People (who are these "people" anyway?) say that living in a state of denial isnt healthy. Its not that I feel that Im in complete denial, I guess its still surreal. What can you do but take it one day at a time, and hope that your body is working to defend itself. I go from extreme sadness to extreme anger, determined to use both emotions to keep on swimming.

Hey, nothing in my book is harder and more painful than the road I took on the IF journey. Not that this is a walk in the park, but I'll do what I've been doing for a looooong time: HOPE.

Measuring Time...and Moles

2011-03-27T18:51:00.002-04:00

Last night, Mook and I had a rare evening to just sit on the couch and just be. Laundry was done, he had made a fabulous, yummy dinner and best of all...we didnt have any pressing honey-do projects.

So we decided to sweep through the list of on-demand movies we had on the boob-tube (such funny slang) and settled on Watchmen.

Im sad to say those were three loooong hours. You know, we all say--"Ugh, those are three hours I'll never get back!" And its true--we hated it, and said that very statement as soon as the credits started rolling. But in those three hours, I got to hold hands, cuddle and just be with my husband. Those are three good hours I wouldn't ever trade.

---------------------

I've had the concept of time on my mind a lot lately.

It's a thought process that links a lot of things in life--that may seem like an obvious statement, but I guess Ive been looking at more like how one event in time can lead to a ripple effect for so many other things.

Ive mentioned it before, I think--about how Ive often wondered what life would be like if we could treat it like a "Choose Your Adventure Book"...turn to page 12 if you want Sally to go to the beach and turn to page 15 if you want her to ride her bike to her friends house.

So when I was given the option to go through hormone treatments to have a baby, I never imagined my adventure would lead me to the page that reads: "You have developed Bow.en's Disease, Stage II-III Skin Cancer."

And since it's a book, I'd choose to flip ahead and rip out that page. Burn that page. Never have to choose to flip to that page.

Except, I am currently living on that page.

You've been reading for a while? Yes? Ok, then you may remember my initial visit after discovering a very large mole that had developed during my pregnancy, then returning to have that same mole removed a mere three months later, then discovering a cyst.

Recently I discovered a new outbreak of skin bumps on my elbow (hard to notice it all winter when living in long-sleeves), and since my 6 month-check up was coming up, I decided it might be best to move it up based on my recent history.

So two weeks ago, I was seen, biopsied and sent on my way. A few days later, I received a message on a Friday afternoon at 4pm that I needed to "call first thing Monday morning for an urgent status update on my biopsy." Oh hells no. My phone never rang, so that was part of the problem. So I immediately called back with no luck--they were closed for the day. I was so enraged that I called and complained to the on-call nurse later that night, and with some persistence, got them to page the on-call doctor.

Thank goodness it was my doctor. She was very apologetic--it was not her personal nurse who had left the message, but I trust that this nurse has been schooled on proper message-leaving-etiquette at this point. UGH.

I was wearing pink sweat pants, a grey Army shirt and had a dust rag in my hand that Saturday morning last week when she told me I most likely had a form of cancer. Just sort of one of those moments in time I will remember the random things to diffuse the level of emotion that swept through me.

She went over the results..."Blah, blah, cancer, blah blah, skin not clean, blah, blah, hormones affecting your body, blah, blah, blood test first thing Monday."

Blood results in combination with the biopsy has confirmed that I have Bow.ens Disease, in a level II possibly III stage. I know you will most likely rush to google to diagnose me--I did. Some of it is ugly (like, eww, I did not want to know the ways it can present itself--I have not had major arsenic exposure nor have I ever had HPV).

I havent even had what I would consider 60+ years of sun exposure. But Ive had lots of synthetic hormones that have caused my body to go out of whack. My thyroid is also out of sync in relation with whats going on. My dermatologist, OB and RE are all in discussion with each other at this point so I feel very well taken care of as we move forward. We've also contacted an oncologist, should I need to say the word chemo out-loud anytime soon...which let's hope I dont.

I go in Tuesday for my first photo-therapy treatment with the hopes that its the only type of treatment I'll need to kick this thing. I'll know more about possible lymph node issues on Tuesday, too.

The kicker? (and why I can't help but just smile and shake my head) That mole that has been the biggest pain in the butt? Its RIGHT ON my va-jay-jay. Sorry, maybe TMI, but I just had to share how angry I feel about all of this some moments. So if there is lymph node stuff going on, its likely in that area--you know, that area that I had to deal with so much with in the past 3 years. Swell.

------------------

So there you have it. My new adventure is to kick this thing. Square in the ass.

I'm definitely concerned for all of us women and men who have had to inject ourselves with so many hormones to become parents. But that is a post for another day. And let me say now that Im not making this a platform for ART treatments equals cancer. Not at all. But I am curious to hear from others who may have started to experience some health issues after going through ART treatments.

Annnnd as I was finishing this post, my phone rang with my auto-phone-reminder for my appointment Tuesday. Think of me at 10am EST? I'll have you all in my pocket...

My Life is Complete

2011-03-16T22:00:00.003-04:00

My long time friend, Suzy sent out a tweet the other day with this quote:

Tough times don't last, tough people do

I need this to be true. But too much doom and gloom does not do a body good, so I want to share something that does a body (at least this body) very good.

I cannot tell you the joy I felt when I saw these:

I realize this isn't exciting for everyone. But for someone who LOVES ketchup as much as I do, this product is fantastic. I can open 4, line them up in a row, and not have to sit there and squeeze the packets for what seems like forever. Im usually still squeezing ketchup while those Im eating with are already half way through the meal.

So while Im still processing life as I know it right now, I'll be coming up with even more things I can enjoy with ketchup.

No Name

2011-03-10T00:56:00.000-05:00

There are definitions for a lot of things...

Joy: rejoice; feel happiness
Sadness: emotions experienced when not in a state of well-being

But what is the word for the in between emotion that exists between joy and sadness?

Because that's where I have hovered the past few days.

On Saturday, I got to pull of a wonderful surprise...flying across the country to wrap my BFF in a hug as she is preparing for lots of changes in her life. (Ms. Rottenstinker has an active, cute toddler, is 7 1/2 months pregnant, has a rambunctious 6 month old lab, and is moving) Crazy? Yes. But I love her.

On Tuesday, my grandfather passed away.

Even now, I sit and grapple with the roller coaster of emotions. I'm waiting to see what I will do as far as traveling to be with my family while I simultaneously wrap glasses in moving-paper and spend time with someone I care about so much.

Since I suck at adjusting to time change, Im still a bit loopy as it is currently 1am EST, but I am enjoying my 2nd glass of wine, in honor of my grandfather, and trying to formulate sentences that properly explain this in between emotion.

I guess I am also just ready to be in more of a steady pattern of life right now...2011 has not been the kindest to me yet, and I'd like to get off this roller coaster. I am happy to be here with her. Can't fib and say it's not hard to want that cute belly she's sporting.

And when you sit and try and come up with more words, and its been 20 minutes, its time to just hit "Publish Post"...

If anyone can define this emotion for me, Id greatly appreciate it. Until then, I think limbo land is where I will remain.

Wordless Wednesday: Transition

2011-03-02T21:22:00.000-05:00

He's been in the big boy bed for 3 weeks now...he's done great! The biggest adjustment?

Earlier wake-up time for me.

It was a lot easier to just let him play, sing and gradually wake up when the crib was up, but now.... hes up and ready for the day early, and I am just not a morning person. No need to try and hide it. Even coaxing him to lay down with me and watch Timmy Time on Disney Jr (which I looooaaathe), doesnt always work to keep him in "calm" mode for a bit longer.

Just gonna have to find some stronger coffee? It's worth it to see him do so well with a big adjustment :)

Squirrel Sprint

2011-02-21T09:49:00.000-05:00

It was rush hour, and I was running a few minutes behind so of course I sat longer than usual at the stop sign to leave our neighborhood.

O-man was in the back seat happily singing "Twinkle, Twinkle" at the top of his lungs for the 42nd time that morning (best version of Twinkle, Twinkle I've ever heard!), the radio was playing "Raise Your Glass" for the 43, 504 time (great song, but wow, give it a rest) and I was watching the stream of cars pass by...

I happened to look down to the side of the road where a brave little squirrel was about to dart out into traffic. She would glance from side to side, her tail nervously twitching, then she'd inch out a bit further but then take another two steps back. And then like she had planned it this way all along, she took off in a sprint and made it successfully to the other side of the street.

I gave her a thumbs up, since it seemed as if she paused for a minute to look back across the road to appreciate her accomplishment.

And yes, I have just written an entire blog post about a squirrel.

But isn't it funny--the things that can make us think? I've seen hundreds of squirrels run across the road in my lifetime...and the not so pleasant view of when they don't make it. And for some reason, seeing this one particular squirrel reminded me that I've felt a lot of that adrenaline lately...of wanting to sprint to the finish line instead of taking my time. Wanting to go against my normal "think-it-through" mentality, and just do it without thinking.

I find myself wanting to be at the "finish-line" as far as our family plans are concerned...I want to have the answer now, and sprint towards it. I get frustrated feeling that nervous twitching of not knowing what the future holds. I have to also remind myself to live in the present--even if I am tempted to sprint across the road. I have an amazing toddler that keeps me sprinting after him....multiple times a day. Maybe that squirrel and I have more in common than I thought!

------------------------

An important PSA for you before you go....my fabulous friend Courtney, who has created Chance to Hope (please take time to check it out!) is asking for volunteers who would be willing to share your story if you have battled infertility and have survived...whether you became pregnant through treatments, a "miracle", or adoption. She is creating a video for the website and educational purposes. Please contact her at chancetohope@gmail.com if you are interested, and she will provide more details of the involvement.

A Shower Curtain Saga

2011-02-12T15:09:00.001-05:00

While O-man spends his first weekend with his Aunt and Uncle, Mook and I were going to lay around and do absolutely nothing after the toll the last few weeks have taken on us...

And then we had one small conversation over dinner last night that changed everything.

I casually mentioned that I'd like to get a new shower curtain for our guest bathroom, that is also O-man's bathroom. I wasn't ready to make it completely "kid" themed, but that it needed an update. No big deal, one purchase at Target and we'd be home and lounging in front of the TV.

Well we made that purchase. Got a few other little things, and did go home and veg in front of the TV and we were asleep by 10:30, and even slept in this morning--go us!

But since we got up?

The new shower curtain has been hung...but we've also done a few other things:

converted the crib to a toddler bed
hung black-out curtains in Omans room
removed a piece of furniture from his room and moved it into another room
redecorated guest bathroom
posted items on craigslist that we no longer need
drawing up plans to turn current "home office" into a play room
moving said "home office" to a more condensed space
removed frames, and hug new ones with plans for other decorative changes
set up a reading/play tent in O-man's room
re-distributed items in O-man's room to be more toddler friendly
scrubbed both bathrooms

So after seeing that list, it may not surprise you that there came a point earlier that I couldnt find Mook. I called and called...only to find him here...

I consider myself a fair "boss" (heh heh) so I gave him a break...but he only gave me time to add more to my list.

And after all that? He's still taking me to dinner later. Wonder what conversation we'll have this time...

It All Evens Out

2011-02-09T11:06:00.001-05:00

Today, my blog turns four years old....

I still remember writing my very first post like it was yesterday...I wish I had taken a screen shot of what my very first layout looked like, but I remember creating it with a "build-a-blog-kit" before moving over to blogspot later in '07. I just dove right into Google, looking for anyone else who had blogs about trying to have a baby...and I was so lucky to come across LJ, Farah, Mel and others in my early days.

I find it super-special that timing worked out pretty well, due to the fact that O-man's birthday falls only days before this blog's birthday. We celebrated the big TWO this past Friday...

So lots of even numbers around these parts...and I'm happy to say that things are evening out with the health of my 2-year-old and my 32-year-old. I really appreciate the get-well wishes and thoughts as we navigated through all of that. I'm thankful that both my hospital visit 2 years ago and this most recent one all turned out OK, but I'd rather not have to plan on being anywhere near a hospital during the last week of January from here on out. Hoping the universe is listening...

Since I'm all about happy-shiny-good things today, I do want to also mention again how grateful I am to all of my blog/twitter friends who honestly kept me sane the past few weeks. Looking back at my FB page and the notes people left during Omans hospital stay, I am more convinced than ever that the friendships I have made through blogging are incredibly strong and genuine.

Thank you LJ, Alison, Jamie and Rottenstinker for rallying the troops for our support system...and all the time and effort you all put into making sure we were taken care of. My Braces Bunch girls--I love you. No doubt about it, you all are my sisters. And of course, I am incredibly thankful for my family and all that they did for us.

So I'm handing you each a piece of virtual cake--thank you, thank you for reading along, whether you've been here four years or four days. I am grateful for this space and look forward to blogging until I'm 94.... :)

P.S. Another celebration? I have an article in the current edition of Babiekins Magazine :)

Then...

2011-01-30T23:00:00.003-05:00

After I wrote this post on Tuesday, Mr. O-man and I had another long night: more coughing, more crying, more restless sleep.

Then...

Wednesday was a day spent on the couch with tissues, juice and me doing the best to console a very cranky, sick little boy. Thank goodness, Mook got home at 7 that night (he brought me flowers and made me dinner--brownie points) and he took the Wednesday night shift of getting up with O-man.

Then...

Thursday morning, with no improvement and what I felt was a worsening cough, I asked Mook to call the pediatrician to get an appointment--no more messing around. My momma-bear instinct just told me something wasn't right. I left for work hoping I'd come home to a solution for the "sick-ick"

Then...

About 3pm, I saw a blocked call come up on my phone. I never answer blocked calls. Except I did this time. It was the pediatrician...she spoke slow and calm, and I knew that wasn't a good sign. "JJ, I'm so sorry to have to tell you this, but your son and husband are in an ambulance on the way to the hospital."

Then...

I thought I might collapse. All I really remember in that moment is this loud buzzing noise in my head and my heart feeling like it might burst. I frantically tried to figure out how I was going to get to the hospital--I wasnt sure how to get there from where my office is, so my boss graciously got in his car and had me follow him there. On the way, I clumsily dialed numbers...choking into the phone that I was on the way to the ER.

Then...

Running into the waiting room...waiting for someone to tell me where to go....seeing Mook holding him as the nurses were frantically getting him hooked up to oxygen, getting his temperature as they asked us a million questions. Waiting for answers...watching Oman slip in and out of a conscious state. Not being able to do a thing for him but hold his hand and wait....

Then...

Being told he had RSV and a bacteria infection that was affecting his red blood cells. We wouldn't see a lot of improvement right away...he was very sick...he was severely dehydrated and would need an IV...watching four adults wrestle this little toddler who was fighting us with all the strength he had left as the monitors and tubes were being attached.

Then...

There is so much in between that Im still processing...some really dark, scary moments. But even in those really dark moments, our friends and family were so amazing that I am just speechless.

Then...

We were sent home...lots of care instructions and with knowledge we had a battle still ahead of us.

Then...

I was back at the ER...but not with O-man...with Mook. The night we got home from the hospital, he started feeling really crummy...by the next day he had a high fever, sore throat...and coughing up blood. Thank the heavens my parents were here to stay with O-man...

Flu.

Yes, he had the flu shot. No, he will never get the flu shot again (this all coming from him...as this is the 2nd time he's ever gotten a flu shot, and proceeded to get the flu)

Then...

Just to throw a little more excitement into the mix...this morning, my dad and I had to rewire a faulty switch that could have caused just a *tiny problem. (*huge understatement)

Now...

I'm tired. That may be the understatement of the year. I'm also incredibly thankful...things could always be worse. But I'm so, so, so hoping they only get better from here....please allow me share this little bit of wisdom: take nothing for granted. Hug your babies, your dogs, your cats, your wife, your husband, your bunny rabbit. I have never felt anything like that fear. I don't ever want to again.

these are the days

2011-01-25T16:59:00.001-05:00

Back when we were going through treatment, and waiting for the day we would be parents, I remember sitting in the empty room that is now Oman's room and thinking about all the things I would never complain about when I had a baby.

One big one that always upset me when I saw other mom's complain about, was the late nights and tough days when their kids were sick. I vowed to never ever complain. I would welcome those late night, the soothing and the extra TLC.

------------------

As I cradled Oman in my arms for the 8th time last night about 3:30am after he woke up screaming from his awful case of croup, I cried right along with him. I felt so helpless that I couldn't do more to help him ...I was exhausted from the interrupted sleep, but all those tears were shed while I smiled. As I sang "Twinkle, Twinkle" to soothe him, I remembered standing in the dark under very different circumstances not long ago and thanked the heavens I have this amazing little boy to take care of.

I caught myself at the grocery store this morning when the cashier noticed Oman's puffy eyes and runny nose:

"Aww you all must have had a rough night with him so sick"

I almost blurted out: "Ooooh you have no idea--Im so exhausted, I wish he would just feel better!"

But instead, I said: "We had a long night, but we both enjoyed our bonding time"

---------------------------

As I sat down to write, I definitely hit my wall from the lack of sleep...so I am in no way trying to project myself as a "my-kid-is-sick-and-Im-all-zen-about-it." Im definitely tired of the snot and the inconsolable crying, but this is all a part of my job description. The best job in the world.

Remember you have a few days left to tell me how you are going to be better this year--and just for telling me here, you could win a $100 Visa gift card! Winner announced on the 31st!

Stubborn.

2011-01-23T10:48:00.001-05:00

My dad has this description of me:

"When you have your mind set on something, you are like
an iron stake driven into a frozen tundra."

Basically, you aren't going to change my mind. Period.

I realize its not the most ideal personality trait--it's good in some situations, but not when I need to truly compromise about something. I've had a few situations come up the past few weeks that have made me really analyze how stubborn I can be--and it's made me feel sort of crappy about how it's affected other people.

But I also know it's been my "shield" when I've needed it, and for that I am very thankful. Almost as a sign to remind me it's ok to be stubborn (when necessary), I've seen this every day for the past 2 weeks as I've pulled into my driveway:

This tiny patch of snow is in my neighbor's yard across the street (yes, I really walked across the street just to snap this picture this morning in my fleece PJ's. Hope they didn't call the cops....) and we haven't had snow since January 10th. Granted, temps haven't gotten too warm, but there is no evidence of snow anywhere else nearby.

I applaud this little patch of snow. The sun has beat down on it, feet have trampled on it, but there it stays.

In honor of keeping my stubbornness in check, but also embracing it, I hope this serves as a reminder to you to stay strong if you are still on the journey to have a baby, waiting on an adoption to come through, wondering what path to take, waiting to find out if you've been approved to buy a house, or just waiting on life in general to show you what's in store....

January is as January does

2011-01-20T07:04:00.005-05:00

January, I have a love-hate relationship with you.

Before I hate on you too much...I must say I enjoy celebrating Mook's birthday during this month, and I tend to be quite productive in the 1st month of the year tending to honey-do lists and prepping for the year.

But the winter blues just seem to linger after the holiday's, its COLD (I do love snow, though) and everyone hibernates.

And it goes without saying that I pretty much had a hard time with January exactly two years ago. It honestly feels like just yesterday that I was admitted to the hospital. I can still recall every nook and cranny of that room I spent 3 weeks in.

And just to remind me that all turned out so beautifully in the end, my soon to be two year old took it upon himself to show me that you just gotta pull yourself up by the bootstraps and keep moving forward.

Before you leave...have you taken 2 seconds to visit this post and tell me how you are going be better in 2011? If you do, you might win $100. Spiffy, huh?

Wordless Wednesday: Time Out

2011-01-12T11:05:00.000-05:00

I was always wary of those mom's who used: "You need to sit in time-out!" as a way to control the tantrums.

But lord help me--it has become a very common phrase in the Jeans household lately.

I would almost rather it be me in time out....sitting in a chair with peace and quiet for 2-5 minutes multiple times a day?! Sounds like heaven.

But that little stinker, time-outs aside, is my pride and joy...this age is so much fun. Speaking of age...I am in complete denial he will be 2 years old in 3 weeks.

Also in a few short weeks, BlogHer and Jimmy Dean will pick someone to win a $100 Visa gift-card! Want that "someone" to be you? Go here to tell me how you will be better in '11. I am making slow but steady progress with my resolutions so far.

And for my time-out comrades: how are you dealing with the tantrums and time-outs at your house?

Tick Tock

2011-01-07T08:08:00.003-05:00

Ohh I have forgotten how lovely Friday's are since I haven't been working on a true schedule since O-man was born, but now that I am back to work....wow, Friday--I love you. I am grateful for the time I had at work this week since it means I have a job, but I am also thankful for the time I will have at home this weekend.

Speaking of time....you still have time to share how are you going to be a better you in twenty-eleven. And just by sharing here, you are entering yourself to win a $100 Visa gift-card! How sweet is that?

You also still have time to delurk, since IBDW officially doesnt end until Sunday. :) It has truly made me so happy to see so many new "faces" and reconnecting with others, and I will be dropping by to say hi to you soon!

Wordless Wednesday: IBDW

2011-01-05T12:03:00.000-05:00

Wont'cha be my neighbor?
If you've been visiting for 3 years or 3 days, say "Hi"
Not to beg, but I could use some sunshine and meeting new friends,
reconnecting with old ones and just having e-mail that isn't spam
makes me happy. It's the little things.

the year of truth

2011-01-03T21:10:00.001-05:00

Does the new year overwhelm anyone else?

I feel like Im trying to make really big changes all at once, and it makes me a bit loopy. I wanted to make sure the first post in the new year was all shiny and happy, but I realized that wouldn't be staying true to one of my big resolutions:

Be true to myself.

And the truth is, Im still not feeling very shiny and happy. I'm still feeling funky from the ectopic loss, I have the post holiday blues, and Im seriously ready to toss out this bottle of bitter pills Ive apparently been taking every morning.

2011, I'm ready for you. Just be gentle.

A Better Start

2010-12-28T10:00:00.035-05:00

This is a compensated review from BlogHer and Jimmy Dean, however the opinions and feelings expressed here are my own.

We are only days away from a brand new year--and every year around this time I find myself saying "I can't believe how fast this year went by!"

2011 is going to start with a running pace: I start a new job (yay!) O-man will be moving up to 4 days-a-week at preschool, Mook's birthday is in January, Oman's 2nd birthday is in early February! Lots of exciting things on the new-year-horizon...but I'm definitely spending the next few days being thankful for 2010...but ready to move on, especially due to the recent unexpected heartache.

And at the end of the year, as corny as it sounds, I look forward to the chance to press the "reset" button on life in general. I get a chance to do things a bit better than I've done them before--it's taken me many years of making resolutions to understand I am never going to reach perfection, but I can make a situation better so that's what I'm aiming for this year. I've already got my list (I told you I love lists!) of things I am going to be working on. By sharing my list, it will help hold me accountable and hopefully encourage some bettering in your neck of the woods, too!

* Better organization: my closet by color
* Better time-spending: letting go of things I can't control
* Better sleeping habits: my bedtime has gotten later and later...
* Better writing: as I mentioned, I didn't blog nearly as much this past year
* Better walking schedule: I've just got to do it, even when it's cold--after I'm done I feel so much better. Treadmill suggestions?

And my biggest betterment goal?

* Better eating habits: I've got an ace in my back pocket for this (I should say an ace in my freezer!) More on this in a minute...

He's a big fan!

So with all the new things I mentioned starting right along with the new year, I want to make sure and get my day off to a better start. My mom always, always told me breakfast was the most important meal of the day--I just nodded as I ran out the door to catch the bus with a pop tart in my hand. Then I'd be fighting to stay awake by 2nd period. I'm so excited that I've found a new breakfast meal that both Oman and I can enjoy before preschool and work: a Jimmy Dean D-lights breakfast! You can Visit the Official site to see the full line of breakfast items. This is HUGE in our household--since I have an incredibly picky eater on my hands. And I'm not ashamed to say that one of our favorite meals is "Breakfast for Dinner", so knowing I've got options is a good thing.

I've tried multiple diets/exercise plans in the past, usually at the beginning of the year, so I'm really thinking positive about my attitude to just be better and not attempt to skip meals, go on a specific no-chocolate-ever diet. I do know that there are proven scientific ways of making smart food choices to keep me fuller longer, and not reaching for the bag of chips at 2pm: protein. So it's quite the win-win that I will be keeping my freezer stocked with the Turkey Sausage D-lights--and with 19 grams of protein to help give me energy. Yay!

So now that I've confessed all my better-me goals for next year, tell me what your resolutions are, or even if you don't make resolutions--share some of your ways to eat better and exercise--I'm open to suggestions!

The bonus of sharing with me? You could win $100 Visa Gift card, just by leaving a comment telling me about how you are going to be better this coming year. You can see other ways to win by visiting BlogHer, too! Think of all the shopping you can do for YOU with that gift card! So many great after-holiday deals will be out there, you will come home with quite a loot!

Rules for participating:

No duplicate comments. You may receive (2) total entries by selecting from the following entry methods:

Leave a comment in response to the sweepstakes prompt on this post
Tweet about this promotion and leave the URL to that tweet in a comment on this post
Blog about this promotion and leave the URL to that post in a comment on this post
Read the official rules for alternate form of entry.
The official sponsor

This giveaway is open to US Residents age 18 or older. Winners will be selected via random draw, and will be notified by e-mail. You have 72 hours to get back to me, otherwise a new winner will be selected.

You can read the BlogHer and Jimmy Dean D-lights "Better Breakfast, Better You" official rules here.
The giveaway dates are 12/28/2010 - 1/30/2011.

A Blind Spot

2010-12-22T13:34:00.000-05:00

It's hard to focus on real life in the midst of wrapping, baking, rushing to and fro, family visits and stringing lights. It's like living in a fairy tale world for a month.

So when I woke up last week with heavy bleeding and feeling really woozy, I was annoyed that I'd most likely need to go in to the doctor--no time for unplanned appointments this time of year! But off I went--and the diagnosis: a few clots and low iron, and call us back if you don't feel better.

And the crazy holiday schedule marched on...but so did my heavy bleeding. So much that I had to make another unplanned appointment.

Yesterday as I drove back to my OB, I was thinking about how I was actually going to be OK walking into a waiting room full of bellies. I was in a mental space of "peace"--able to happily accept that I most likely won't have a pregnant belly again, but that we hopefully will be able to bring another child into our family through adoption. I was even tossing around girl names in my head--and I was smiling. It felt so nice. I drove along with a clear view ahead of me, and let out a respectful sigh about what is in "my rear view mirror"....

Remember that rule in driving school? Always pay attention to your blind spot. I neglected to pay attention to mine.

After further tests and an ultrasound, I was told I had an ectopic pregnancy. A total, major, jaw-dropping moment. The amount of emotions that ran through me in that moment is hard to explain. That clear view that was in front of me on the way to the doctor was immediately fogged up. It brought the desire for a sibling for Oman rushing to the surface, and what an ache to feel loss and hope all in one swift moment.

I appreciate sunshine-positive-optimistic thoughts, but before you even go there (because trust me, I did)--no, this does not mean I have a better hope of getting pregnant on my own. We just have a higher chance of producing abnormal pregnancies. But just so you know, I won't ever give up hope.

So as the holiday cheer marches on, I'm taking the time to heal from this blind spot--I am just thankful for family and friends who can surround me with love and hugs. I cherish the laughter and moments with Oman -- I am beyond grateful for his life. Also, I am so thankful that my tube suffered no major damage.

As the eve of Santa's visit approaches, I wish each of you light and hope for the season--I know there are dark moments for a lot of us even in the cheeriest of times.

a list for my list

2010-12-14T08:12:00.000-05:00

This is not your mind playing tricks on you.

There are really 5 lists* on my kitchen counter: color coded, broken into categories and all items need a lined crossed through it. It's funny how when one thing is done, another gets added. Lists really are never ending!

I knew this month would fly by--this time of year is so hectic, it takes effort to stop and remember to live life off the list(s) sometimes.

Are you a list maker? How are you tackling the mile-long-holiday-to-dos? I admire those people that keep a list in their head. But honestly? There is nothing quite at as satisfying as making a line and a check mark next to a completed task.

Now I can check writing this post off one of my lists. See? Progress!

*It may say Naughty, but it says Oh so Nice at the bottom of the note! I promise I've been good this year!

Ghost of Christmas Past

2010-12-10T08:15:00.003-05:00

I am not a big pencil-user...I feel like its smudges easy, and quite honestly reminds me of the less than stellar grades I got in handwriting class. Does anyone actually write in full cursive anymore?!

However, I do use a pencil in one spot in particular: my address book. I know that there are plenty of new-age ways to keep those important contact details of friends and family, but there is something special about keeping a handwritten account of street names and seeing how spread out our friends and family really are!

I really look forward to the end of every November when I grab my pencil and address book to take on the task of labeling the Christmas cards. I am doubly-productive, because I use this time to make sure all the We've Moved! notes have gotten proper attention and add in new additions to families--this is where a pencil comes in handy.

But I can't bring myself to erase those names that I no longer send cards to; those friends and family who have passed on. One in particular catches me off guard every time I get to the "C" tab--but it's bittersweet. I'm sad that he's gone, but I am reminded of so many fond memories. I'm always tempted to just address a card to him, and the others, and send it...hoping they will be placing it on their mantel, and hoping I'll open my mailbox and have one from them in return.

I think I'm going to start a new tradition and write one card to those who I'm missing, place it on my mantel and say a special prayer. Holiday's are such a joyous time that it's tough when we are reminded of those we wish were still celebrating with us. If you are missing someone this holiday season, I am wishing you peace.

Sweetly Versatile

2010-12-08T08:34:00.022-05:00

Thanks to the lovely PCOSChick for giving me Versatile Blogger blog-bling! She and I got connected on twitter earlier this year, and she's just a fabulous blogger.

So here's rules for the award:
~Thank and link back to the person who gave you the award.
~Share 7 things about yourself.
~Pass the award along to 7 other bloggers who you recently discovered and think are fabulous.

1. I always have a tissue with me. I am allergic to air--seriously. My nose does not like when I go from hot to cool air, so this time of year I keep Kleenex in business.

2. If there are two switches that control one light (my hallway for instance--one is at the garage entrance, the other is by the living room), the switch always needs to be in the proper position. You know--sometimes the switch will be in the "on position" but really be off, because it was turned on at the other switch. Am I making sense? I cant stand for them to be in the "wrong position" so I fix it :)

3. My favorite color Christmas light (this year) is blue.

4. I am about to completely redo my closet and organize my clothes by color. I feel like this will help me put more stylish outfits together? Wishful thinking. Anyone want to volunteer to help?

5. I keep wondering when I'm going to have the guts to attend an adoption seminar.

6. Im the definition of my zodiac sign through and through.

7. I crave a McDonald's Big Mac every time I'm sick.

I am passing this award on to the following 7 lovely bloggers, because I would like to learn more about them.

Andrea at Are You Listening?
Foxy at Someday
Jill at Happy Hopefuls
Amber at Bumber's Bumblings
Flucky Mom
Searching For Serenity
AmyLynn at new year new ute

And thank you so much Miss Frenchie for giving me this very sweet blog-bling.

So now I am trusted with the task of giving the award to five bloggers who I love to read, who's blogs have that 'something extra', that little spark, that keeps me coming back.

Tara at A Run For My Money
Sarah at Bio Girl
Mrs. Higrens at Does this suit your copperosity?
Andrea at Entrusted
Suzy at not a fertile myrtle

Perfect Moment Monday: Celebrations

2010-12-06T08:00:00.009-05:00

The past few days, I've just had that feeling I was missing something--and then I realized what it was: blogging!

I'm so glad I participated in NaBloPoMo last month (and as always, thanks to Suzy for encouraging me to write for those 30 days in a row!) I looked over the month, and a lot happened--so it encourages me to keep up with writing more frequently to keep up with the goings-on of life here in the Jeans household.

And I didn't forget the wine! The lucky gal who gets to enjoy some real wine is......Jamie! Wish we could enjoy it together my friend, but enjoy it and thanks for all your support :)

I've also been looking forward to participating in PMM this week....I have two celebrations to share. First, remember that good juju I asked you for? You all rocked the juju because....I got the job! Woohooo! I really feel that this was meant to be in a lot of ways--so Im feeling very thankful. I will be able to remain part-time and not disrupt Oman's schedule too much.

Second is a moment I got to share with Oman earlier this weekend.

This ceramic tree is from the 1950's and sat in the front hallway of my grandmother's house for many Christmas holidays. When we would visit, I would spend hours taking the lights out and arranging them in all sorts of ways. It's one of those things that instantly takes me back to being a kid--those really crystal clear memories are pretty awesome, aren't they?

The Christmas I was pregnant with Oman, my grandmother gifted this tree to me. I was so overwhelmed and felt like that 8-year-old version of myself all over again. So this year when I got it out of the box, I wanted to show Oman the awesomeness of this tree. He was immediately excited about the lights and was very gentle putting them in their places. I immediately e-mailed this photo to my grandmother and told her again how much it means to me that Im now able to pass along this fun tradition to her great-grandson.

Be sure to head over to see other Perfect Moment's...they are always so uplifting.

Rear View Mirror

2010-11-30T16:57:00.001-05:00

Looking back over this month....

I talked about wine quite a bit.
I admitted I would never be president of a certain mom group.
I mourned the loss of my blue chairs.
I marveled over the cute little monkey I have in my house.
I told you I keep my brain active.
You now know that my feet are always cold.
I confessed my decorating traditions.
I revealed I had lost my job.
You found out that I unwillingly shared something with Oman.
I like donuts.
I said Thank You to those who serve.
You know who my favorite Bond is.
I enjoy baking.
You know what food comforts me.
I talked about putting pennies in my piggy bank.
I realized I didn't post very much last year.
Oman went on a date.
You know that I am a blonde.
I asked you for good JuJu.
I took a free pass to spend time with Mook.
I tried to get Oman a scholarship.
I said a prayer.
I watched Oman go up and down.
Your good JuJu helped.
I gave thanks and ate.
I ran my first 5K.
I told you I toss my cookies in a plane, train or automobile.
I admited decorating is exhausting.
I had a brain fart.

And I shared all of it with you! Thanks for putting up with me on your computer every day this month. I do hope you enjoyed our Virtual Wine Club! I will be doing the random generator tomorrow for the wine GIVEAWAY!

So in honor of our last Virtual Wine Club meeting, please enjoy a glass of my favorite wine: Weathervane's Sweet Mountain Bliss.

A final big CHEERS!

A Block

2010-11-29T22:30:00.003-05:00

Wouldn't ya know..writers block with one more day in NaBloPoMo.

Just a reminder, Im tallying up all the comments from this month and doing a drawing for a bottle of wine in honor of the Virtual Wine Club this past month.

Lurkers and friends--this is your time! Just tell me one tiny little thing. Anything.

Tell me a joke.

Tell me a moving story.

Tell me you like my hair.

Something. Please? :)

I'll tell you something: I love that new HP Hit Printer commercial: "Iiiiiiiii got a brand new pair of rollllller skates, you gotta brand newwwww keeeeey"

I'll tell you something else: I will be having more than one cup of coffee tomorrow.

And one more thing: I hate when I plan to go to bed early-ish, only to realize I still haven't put new sheets on the bed. *ugh* (but I do love fresh, crisp sheets....Im off to make the bed!)

Enjoy a glass of Twisted Sisters Chardonnay for tonight's Virtual Wine Club!

Cheers!

Fa la..la...la

2010-11-28T22:12:00.000-05:00

Can you hearing me try to catch my breath?

Decorating for Christmas is a lot like moving--it's a lot of work! Don't get me wrong, I love it--I love the lights, the tinsel, the smell of the musty attic as you open each box.

But I'm pooped. I can never decorate the same way as the year before--so its all about planning out where each thing goes--and it all goes up somewhere--I have things that have been passed down to me that have a lot of sentimental value, and things that are only a few years old that have a lot of meaning.

And let's not start on the search for the perfect tree. I made Mook, Oman and our friend from out of town traipse to 4 tree lots before we ended back at the 1st one we visited, to get the 'perfect' tree.

And I think I will have a partner in crime in the years to come..he seems to be just as picky about the tree.

Now I'm sitting on my couch, gazing at my beautiful tree, enjoying a glass of Old North State's Spring House. Hope you'll partake in a glass for our Virtual Wine Club.

Cheers!

Sign Me Up

2010-11-27T22:14:00.002-05:00

I've always wanted to get a boob job. A reduction, not an enhancement.

I've always wished my feet weren't a size 10.

I wouldn't mind laser hair removal so I'd never have to shave again.

But the thing I want the most?

TO NEVER HAVE MOTION SICKNESS AGAIN!

If there were a procedure to cure it, I'd sign up today.

I have been carrying around barf bags since I could walk and Dramamine is my dear friend. I can't enjoy boat rides (I missed a freakin' whale in Hawaii because I was too busy hurling over the side), sunset or booze cruises, the backseat of a car on a road trip, and the descent on a plane ride makes me turn a lovely shade of green.

I bring this up, because tonight we went to a fantastic holiday light show display near us that is set up in a park, so you drive around and stay nice and warm in your car. We had a friend in town for Thanksgiving, so I gladly sat in the back seat so I could watch Oman go nuts over the sparkly lights. Well---all the stop and go, the smell of exhaust and the fact I was in the backseat made me feel incredibly bah hum bug. I held in my leftovers, but I had to get out of the car half way through and breathe in a lot of fresh air.

It's so inconvenient. Why can I not enjoy a simple ride through a park in the backseat, going less than 2 miles an hour?

Is anyone else plagued by severe motion sickness? What are your tips and tricks? I've tried the bracelets, the patch behind the ear, etc. The only thing that really works for me? Is not doing any of the above. It stinks.

I didn't enjoy any wine tonight because my stomach was still upset when we got home, but I am more than willing to enjoy a virtual glass for our Wine Club. Enjoy some Harvest Mango Wine (mango helps settle my tummy).

Cheers!

Friday Night Leftovers: post-turkey

2010-11-26T22:58:00.004-05:00

This is my first Friday Night Leftover's post!

This week while watching the boob tube, I saw commercials for Mother's Day flowers and SATC 2. Seemed odd to me since I realized it was not May. Duh. I was catching up with shows on my DVR.
I misplaced my Netflix DVD. Like, could.not.find.it. Then I go to get a glass of tea from the fridge, and guess what was in the crisper? Apparently I got mucho distracted when grabbing yogurt earlier that day.
I ran/walked in my first 5K on Thanksgiving morning. I've been "training" since August, so I was very proud of myself for a) getting up and doing it, b) running more than half of it and c) not coming in last
I'm incredibly thankful for Mook's job-but tonight I wanted to go cry in the corner. It was a tough day.
I did not go shopping for Black Friday deals--but I just ordered a free 8x10 and two 5x7 prints for FREE online. That counts, right?
Why does printer ink dry out so fast?
We are getting our tree tomorrow--I love the smell of fresh pine in my house, even though I am allergic to pine. I just deal with the sniffles and sore throat for the next month--its worth it.
My in-laws are coming tomorrow-they just told us this today.
I feel like I have been in the kitchen for 72 hours non-stop. I am thankful I have food in my fridge and pantry that has allowed me to be in my kitchen for 72 hours non-stop.
I had a hoooorrriible dream last night that Mook decided to marry a girl named Anne. If your name is Anne, I don't like you so much right now. No offense.
Cranberry sauce is delicious.
I put out the first dish of holiday candy--can you guess what it is?
Oman will be 22 months old next week. So far, this is my faaaaavorite age. I know I will keep saying that, but he is so much fun. A lot to handle, but sooo fun.
It's time to start planning his 2nd birthday party. Hoollllyyy Schnikeies.
I am a left-side sleeper. I hurt my left arm somehow and it makes me sad that I cannot sleep on my left side tonight.
Speaking of sleep--it's time for bed. Night night!
You can share your leftovers at Danifred's blog :)

Enjoy a glass of Sutter Home Merlot--a smooth, yummy red! We are almost to the end of our Virtual Wine Club! Don't forget--I'm going to give away a bottle of wine at the end of NaBloPoMo!

Cheers!

Gobble!

2010-11-25T23:20:00.000-05:00

So much to be thankful for...

Especially the fact that I can now listen to Christmas music without feeling guilty.

Enjoy those leftovers! (I prefer it to the actual meal)

Pour yourself a glass of Yadkin Valley Chardonnay for today's Virtual Wine Club.

Cheers!

Wordless Wednesday: What I Got

2010-11-24T22:31:00.000-05:00

Enjoy a glass of Placid Peach from Weathervane for today's Virtual Wine Club.

Cheers!

Up and Down

2010-11-23T22:52:00.004-05:00

I've been up and down these stairs hundreds of times.

Running up to avoid being late to school.
Down to play Barbies in the basement.
Up to sit at the dinner table.
Down to watch a movie with friends.

I know the sounds of the floor boards; the steps to avoid as you attempt to keep anyone else in the house from knowing you're up.

Watching Oman learn how to go up and down on these stairs--the stairs I grew up on, is yet another thing that is so simple, but means so much to me. Loved being able to watch my mom guide him down each step--just as she did with me--literally and figuratively.

Are there stairs/floors/doors that you know are being occupied in your house/home you grew up in, just by the noise they make?

Enjoy a glass of Beringer White Zinfandel for tonight's Virtual Wine Club.

Cheers!

A Mother's Prayer

2010-11-22T19:55:00.134-05:00

Now I lay me down to sleep
How on earth did did I forget to eat?

Today was great
he even slept late
But why were grapes
the only thing he ate?

The toy of choice was a piece of plastic
when I took it away
his response was less than fantastic

The dog was kind
as he pulled on her tail
I'm pretty sure the neighbors

just heard me wail

The dishes can wait

No need to fret

Who am I kidding?

I'd wake up in a cold sweat

Tomorrow is another day
I pray I'll be a better mom
Before I know it

he'll be going off to prom

Wake him with the morning sun

but not too soon

so I can get things done

Watch him as he plays all day

and let me prop my feet up

at least once today

Love him and protect him all day through

and give me patience

when I'm feeling blue

The laundry can stay in a heap
I'm pretty sure I could write
lists in my sleep

All's quiet now
while I sip on my wine
There is nothing sweeter
than that precious boy of mine

Amen.

~JJ

A toast for all my IF sisters...for today's Virtual Wine Club, enjoy a glass of Sauvignon Blanc from Rodney Strong Vineyards--for all the waiting, heartache, needles, tests, unknowns, joys, laughter, tears, and all else in between.

It is purely place and character that matter the most.

Cheers!

On the Lawn

2010-11-21T23:45:00.002-05:00

Today, Oman and I spent a wonderful day with some family from the left coast. Some of you Virginian's may recognize this photo the quickest--it's on the ground of a certain university. They cheer silly things like Waaaah-Hoooo at football games, and I always cheer for them when they are playing against a certain school that has a turkey as their mascot.

I dressed Oman in preppy clothes--a cardigan sweater and loafers, and maaaaaan did he fit RIGHT in. I was hoping he'd get spotted by some recruiters and they'd offer him a scholarship right on the spot. No such luck.

We all enjoyed the afternoon just watching Oman run around...being with these family members meant a lot--they have been so supportive of us since the very beginning of our journey. Watching my aunt and cousin's playing "1-2-3 Jump" with Oman and hearing my uncle sing "Itsy-Bitsy-Spider" was a memory I'll hold for a long, long time.

Please enjoy a glass of Viognier from Jefferson Vineyards, right down the road for this evening's Virtual Wine Club. I'm toasting the special bond of family.

Cheers!

Free Pass

2010-11-20T23:00:00.000-05:00

I don't want to break my NaBloPoMo writing streak, but I've only seen Mook for 24 hours in the past 2 1/2 weeks--so pardon my absence tonight as I take a break from the computer.

Please enjoy a lovely glass of Sangiovese for tonight's Virtual Wine Club.

Cheers!

Good JuJu

2010-11-19T07:00:00.066-05:00

We play a ton of games at the beach during our family gathering each summer, but one of our favorites is the game called Scattergories. (Ms Calliope sometimes plays a blog version--super fun)

<------You roll this dice, and it gives you a letter, then you have to answer a series of questions based on the letter.

During one game with the letter "J" (my favorite letter!) my mom, sister and I all answered the same thing for the question: A type of candy.

We didn't pick the more common answers like: Jelly Beans, Jolly Ranchers, Jaw Breakers...

We picked JuJuBes.

Not that this choice might be uncommon but we were all amazed that we picked the same thing. And who doesn't love a dose of good juju? So whenever the three of us need a bit of positive pick-me-up, we remind each other of the power of JuJuBes :)

Today, I will roll the dice with J in mind again, as I go for a Job interview, and hopefully receive feedback on a grant I wrote for a contract position.

Should I stick a box of these in my purse, just for kicks?

As you raise your glass of J Pinot Noir today for our Virtual Wine Club, please send me a toast of good juju? Thank you!

My sweet friend LJ sent me a bottle of J wine for my
birthday earlier this year--definitely recommend it!

Cheers!

A blonde walks into a bar...

2010-11-18T07:00:00.054-05:00

How do you keep a blonde busy for hours?

Scroll Down. ---->

<----- Scroll Up.

I've hesitated a few times about whether or not to share this little story. I've already asked you once this week to keep loving me, so I know it's asking a lot for you to not laugh too hard at the following true story.

Earlier this week I told you how frugal I am...and along with the fact that I am job searching, I am looking for ways to cut down on expenses.

So on Monday when I realized that my hair needed a pick-me-up in the color department, I decided to reach out to my girls on Twitter, do some Google research and then buy a highlighting kit, instead of going to the salon. I was quick to buy color-in-a-box back in my college days, but I'm more educated now on the dangers of frying my locks, so I wanted to be careful with my choice.

I took my time. Probably too much time--I debated over brands, colors, yada, yada. But I finally picked one, headed home and set it to the side to use after O-man went to bed.

Got O-man tucked in, put on comfy PJ's, grabbed my glass of wine and headed to the bathroom. And wow, I forgot how un-sexy wearing a highlighting cap is. Yikes.

I began reading the directions, and made sure I had everything they claimed was in the box. Let me show you exactly what comes in the kit:

Highlighting Cap
Plastic Styling Hook/Applicator
Metal Styling Hook
Mixing Tray
Lightening Powder
Frosting Developer
Frosting Protective Creme
Conditioning Shampoo
Insert
Gloves

I had the cap on: check. I saw both of the hooks/applicator: check.

Here's the kicker.

On the directions it says, and I quote, "Combine lightening powder and developer in the tub. Mix well."

Hmmm, the tub? I thought about it, and while it sounded sorta strange, it made sense--"I need to mix this in the tub to keep from making a mess, and then I can just wash it away!"

I proceed to dump the powder and then the bottle of developer in my large garden tub.

So there I am, bending over the tub, my back beginning to ache, when I turn to stretch and catch a glimpse of the Mixing Tray that the cap and hooks came in.

Oh. My. God.

I'm sure you can imagine me turning beet red, yelling at myself for being such a BLONDE, and then the comedy that was me trying to get this mixture out of the tub and into the correct tub.

At least the highlights turned out fine, my hair did not fall out, and I saved $60, but severely embarrassed myself in the process. Worth the cost? I'll let you decide... :)

Hey, blonde's do have more fun, right? Blonde or not, please share a "moment" were your brain just shut down. I'd love to hear some fun stories!

Please enjoy a glass of Buxom Blonde, a Sauvignon Blanc, Chenin Blanc blend from Red Hot Mama Wine for today's Virtual Wine Club.

Fun and flirty with full figured fruit and easy to drink!

Cheers!

Wordless Wednesday: It's A Date!

2010-11-17T14:50:00.001-05:00

O-Man and his date, Miss Logan.

I get this flash before my eyes of a scene like this, only 15 years from now (who am I kidding, he's not dating until he's 30!) I will do my best to raise a little gentleman--he will hold doors open, pay the check and pull out chairs. He will be as sweet as his Daddy has been to me.

Enjoy a glass of Two Princes Riesling for today's Virtual Wine Club, in honor of my two princes.

Cheers!

Creme de la Creme '10

2010-11-16T21:08:00.001-05:00

This will be my forth year participating in Mel's Creme de la Creme. Sounds like a lovely dessert, doesn't it? In a way, it sort of is....

Submitting a post to be listed in the Creme is all about celebrating words and the richness they can bring to the eyes that read them. I started my blog to connect with others, and also to chronicle the journey I am on--and some days it is hard to remember to write for yourself.

There are trolls out there, haters, critics. Hell, most of the time we are our own worst critic. But more importantly there are supporters, silent lurkers, readers, friends. And as Mel says, there are blog posts that feel good to write: "The one that you felt really good about when you hit publish."

My writing has shifted from when I first started almost 4 years ago. We are no longer in the thick of treatments, I am not injecting myself with 5 needles a day, and I am not constantly thinking about crappy sperm. But those are the pillars from which this space was born, and I will always honor it--by writing and by connecting with others going through what I have been through and what I am going through now--parenting after infertility with a big question mark of: what's next?

When I saw Mel's post letting us know that the list was open to submit a post, I came back over here to read through my chronicles of 2010. I was sad to realize I only wrote a total of 56 posts (not including NaBloPoMo).

That's not nearly enough.

Those are only my personal goals, though. I read blogs that post every day...some that post once month, some even fewer than that. It's all up to the writer, of course. But for me, I am looking back on my words as a way to chronicle my thoughts and feelings. That's the beauty of NaBloPoMo, too: the encouragement to write.

I am not interesting 24/7/365...but I write in my head all the time. So why am I not putting it down on "paper" more? Life gets in way--that's why. But I hope by this time next year, I will have a much better chronicle of memories; a much harder time choosing just one post to represent my year.

If you haven't submitted your post for the '10 Creme, be sure to get your post in the list. We all have words to share.

Let's all toast to writing: raise your glass of Argyle 2000 Brut for today's Virtual Wine Club.

Cheers!

Penny Pinch

2010-11-15T15:40:00.001-05:00

All the talk over the years of making the penny obsolete makes me sad.

I've always been a fan of finding Abe Lincoln's face on the sidewalk, making a wish and promptly placing the coin in my piggy bank for a rainy day.

I was taught at a young age the value of saving, making the most of your money and being in control of the money that you have. My mom taught me how to balance a checkbook at 15 when I got my first job, and I'll never forget that first trip to the bank to open my very own account. I'm proud to say I still have that exact same account, and while it's had as little as $5 in it, I'll keep it as long as the bank is in business!

While I've met more frugal people than me, I must admit to you that I'm a stinker when it comes to spending money. Not that it's a bad thing--but I do wish I could be more care-free sometimes. But I love the hunt of a good deal. While my friends in high school were shopping at The Limited and Gap, I would take my babysitting money and shop at K-Mart and thrift stores to get more for my money.

Now that I'm an adult and have to shop for things like toilet cleaner, detergent, dog food, etc., my love for the hunt of a good deal hasn't stopped. I do use the good ole fashion way of coupon clipping from the paper once in a while, but there are so many good websites out there that keep you updated on deals.

Tell me: how do you pinch pennies? Any good coupon hunters out there? I love swapping trade-secrets, ideas and ways to keep Abe Lincoln in my piggy bank!

And I still love to hunt for non-household items, too. Just 'cause I'm a grown up with responsibilities, doesn't mean I can't shop for fun anymore :)

So when my friends over at Who Wants To Know extended a challenge for us gals to go to a local thrift store and share what we could buy for $10, I was giddy with anticipation--I got to go hunting!

You MUST go over and see my wonderful finds--and check back all week for what the other ladies found. You will be amazed how much I saved.

To stick with my frugal finds, I must tell you about a wine that I picked up just because I thought: "How good can this wine be? It's only $2.99!"

Hey, it was good--no icky bitter suflite aftertaste--and even better? At my local Walmart, it's been 99-cents the past two weeks. Ya'll--thats a full bottle of decent Pinot Grigio for a dollar. A win-win in my book. Enjoy a glass of Oak Leaf Pinot Grigio* for today's Virtual Wine Club!

(Imagine a picture of wine here)

*At the time of uploading this post, blogger decided it didn't like me and won't let me post anymore pictures. Maybe it's all my cheap talk. (ha!)

Comfort Food

2010-11-14T23:09:00.001-05:00

When the temperature drops, my appetite goes up.

It takes a lot of will-power to not over-do it and keep my portions in control this time of year--something about that extra cheese on my bowl of chili just makes it sooo much better.

I definitely have comfort food in warmer weather, too--like ice cream. But the comfort foods this time of year are my faaaaavorite:

Chili (no beans)
Potato soup
Lasagna
Mac-N-Cheese: with hot dogs cut up and mixed in, covered in ketchup

Please say you will still love me after reading #4...I know its weird. But it's so good. And it's such a great comfort food for me.

So spill it (not your food!)--what are you favorite comfort foods? The weirder, the better. Don't leave me out here all alone with my hot dog mac-n-cheese combo.

And you know what goes great with all comfort foods?

Wine!

Enjoy a glass of 2007 Hervé Azo Chablis for today's Virtual Wine Club. It's definitely a great comfort wine!

Cheers!

Layers

2010-11-13T18:58:00.001-05:00

What do you get when you put these ingredients together?

patience
chocolate
hot oven
patience
eggs
butter
top-secret family ingredients
patience
did I mention patience?

You get this:

Spent the day working on getting my little baking business some holiday orders. The house smells delish, the pans are clean, and I can now enjoy the fruits of my labor with a glass of wine.

Enjoy a glass of Desiree Chocolate Wine for today's Virtual Wine Club--a perfect pairing for this chocolate cake!

Cheers!

Double Oh Seven

2010-11-12T23:08:00.002-05:00

I don't get to travel all over the world searching for the bad guy.
I don't carry a weapon. (although my mind is pretty freakin' dangerous--muahahah)
I like my martini with lots of apple and 'tini. No olives.

But there are times in my life where I totally feel like I am Bond........JJ Bond.

You know--the times when you feel the need to be a total bad ass-take charge-butt whoopin'-shatter proof-crime solvin'-powerhouse.

Except my crime solving skills don't revolve around drug-lords: they are spent trying to figure out if the mud stain came from the a) hubby b) toddler c) dog

And my shatter proof resolve comes into play when I find out Oman has been sent to the "principal's" office at preschool for biting. Trying not to take it personally when I talked to the teacher, I wanted to be a diligent parent, while also understanding that he's not even 2 and has a hard time understanding what he did wrong. The hug he gave me when I picked him up was heart-melting.

I'm doing my best to take charge of the whole job search thing. I feel like my brain is in constant motion trying to think outside the box. Sometimes that box seems awfully small...

But Bond wouldn't give up the job hunt or let parenting challenges stop his suave ways....Bond stays bad-ass no matter what the circumstance.


Roger Moore as James Bond

Gonna keep channeling the Bond mentality. Roger Moore was my favorite 007--he was one suave Bond. Mook laughs at my choice--his favorite is Sean Connery, which seems to be a common favorite.

Who's your favorite Bond?

For today's Virtual Wine Club, raise your glass of Hidalgo Alameda Cream Sherry--one of Bond's choices when he's not drinking a martini.

"Sweet flavors of caramel and crumb create create a seductive contrast"

Cheers!

Thank You

2010-11-11T23:18:00.000-05:00

The words dont seem to hold enough weight for the thanks that we owe our service men and women. It's such an amazing thing to think about people putting their life at risk in order to defend our freedom.

I have always soaked up any information about the World War II era--I often say that I think I may have been reincarnated from that time period. I love so many things about it--the music, the fashion, the art of letter writing--but of course Ive learned there were definitely hardships and challenges.

I do not condone war by any means, but I'd like to think I am doing my part in honoring those who have fought, by learning something about what they went through. A sample of some of the things I've read/seen based on this time period:

The Greatest Generation written by Tom Brokaw
Saving Private Ryan
Band of Brothers HBO series
The Bedford Boys written by Alex Kershaw
Battle of Iwo Jima
The War documentary by Ken Burns

And just today, a book that a good friend (hi J!) recommended I read, finally came into my local paperback store--Ive been waiting a month! Good timing for today, though. I cannot wait to dive into it:

The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society written by Mary Ann Shaffer and her niece Annie Barrows.

To honor all of our service men and women, please raise your glass of 1940 Vega Sicilia Unico Proprietary Blend for today's Virtual Wine Club.

Thank you.

Wanted

2010-11-10T10:17:00.001-05:00

You know what goes good with doughnuts?

WINE. (for grownups, of course)

Going high class today and pouring you a glass of Boone's Farm Strawberry Hill for our Virtual Wine Club. Ohhh, Boone's Farm...what memories. I may have moved onto more "sophisticated" wine, but you will always be my first love.

If you are a Boone's Farm drinker,
Strawberry Hill was probably your first love and you'll never forget her.

Cheers. Enjoy a little junk food and spirits! It's good for you!

Not something I wanted to share

2010-11-09T23:03:00.002-05:00

Every time I get a cold, it turns into a sinus infection. Bet your bottom dollar.

It's a real big pain in the rear. Apparently, small/constricted sinuses (sinus-i?...what is the plural of sinus?) is something you can share, and I may have shared it with Oman. So far, all of his run-of-the-mill colds have turned south as well.

The past two days have been full of two big S words (no not that S word): snot and screaming. And honestly, the snot has been constant for 3 weeks. One of the toughest things I have dealt with since becoming a mom is not over-reacting every time he's got a runny nose, or coughs. But today, I felt like I was about to do a bit of screaming myself and use that S word...so I knew it was time to head to the pediatrician.

Poor fella' has, you guessed it, a sinus infection. Lots of apple juice, tissues and TLC around here tonight.

Mommy's apple juice is a bit different...please enjoy a glass of Killibinbin's Shiraz tonight for our Virtual Wine Club. The wine label says it all. Being a Mom is a job I've always, always wanted. It's also the toughest job I've ever had.


The mild vintage conditions have resulted in a wine with a tight, powerful structure

Cheers!

Scenic Stress

2010-11-08T23:03:00.002-05:00

Stop and smell the roses.
I try to do this every day: live in the moment!

Don't beat around the bush.
I lost my job.

Make like a tree and leave.
Really no tie to this post, but it's a little tribute to Biff--I cannot believe it's the 25th anniversary of Back to the Future. I love those movies!

So the "scenery" around the Jeans household has been...well...a bit stressful. Two days before we got on the plane to put our toes in the sand to celebrate our anniversary, I found out that my fantastically flexible part time job was kaput.

Remember that scene from "A Christmas Story" when Ralphie says: "Fuuuuuuuuuudddgeeeeeee" Yeah--not how I want to start a vacation. And, you don't want to be on a 6 hour plane ride with me when I am stewing about money.

I felt so guilty being on vacation that week--when really it had already been paid for since we saved for two years. I felt guilty not job searching--but my resume hadn't been updated. I felt guilty for being absent mentally during a time I was supposed to be celebrating my anniversary. Guilt, guilt, guilt.

I finally relaxed enough to put a hurtin' on the Mexican tequila supply and I'm pretty sure I ate my weight in guacamole.

But then it was back to reality. And reality was that: it stinks to be a grown up sometimes.

I'm in the thick of job searching now...wondering what will happen in the next few months. I'd love to be able to magically invent something that everyone needs--why did I not think of Silly Bandz? I mean, good grief, Charlie Brown.

And this little guy reminds me everyday to keep my chin up--we go outside every afternoon to look at the leaves falling (he's fascinated) so I'm doing my best to change the scenery around here from stress-city to zen-let-things-fall-into-place-city.

All good juju thoughts are much appreciated and if you know of anyone who wants to hire a super-duper-hard-working lady, I'm your gal.

Never mind! I just found TONS of jobs I can apply for right here! (I wish!)

Let's ALL raise our glass to less stress and good job juju--I know there are others out there crossing fingers for a job, a raise, promotion, etc. Enjoy a glass of Mad Housewife White Zinfandel for tonight's Virtual Wine Club.

Watermelon and strawberry combine with a
subtle sweetness in this pink treat.

Cheers!

Deck the Halls

2010-11-07T21:20:00.036-05:00

How early do you decorate for the holidays?

How early do you wrap gifts?

When do you start listening to holiday music?

Do you have a unique holiday tradition?

We start decorating the day after Thanksgiving, Mook has already started wrapping presents, and I haven't listened to a Christmas song yet--but Im not opposed to it. And my funny holiday tradition? If it's not snowing, or at least raining/grey outside, the window blinds must stay closed. I think every Christmas should be a "White Christmas"--and if it's not--I'll at least pretend :)

Each year, I never feel fully prepared--but when are we ever prepared? But we just took down the rest of Halloween today, and I'm anxious to have things that light up and sparkle back in the living room. I'm resisting for a bit longer--not because I don't want them up, but I'm starting to realize what a challenge this decorating season might be--a certain little boy is into everything so no doubt, he will want to help me unpack the boxes.

To start the holiday cheer, enjoy Le Paradou Viognier for today's Virtual Wine Club

The pure, round taste is backed by ample freshness,
blossoming into fruits with an almond finish

Cheers!

Frigid Digits

2010-11-06T21:21:00.003-04:00

It doesn't matter if it's 90 or 15 degrees out--my toes are always cold.

This works to my advantage in the summer time, since it helps keep me cool--but it's so frustrating when it starts to get cold. But oh man, what a great "weapon"--Mook gets quite a shock when I scoot my feet over to his side of the bed--hehe!

I have tried almost everything to help warm up my "toe-pops":

socks
toe socks
fleece slippers
warm inserts (the kind you put in the microwave)
blankets
sticking them in the fire (kidding, but Ive come close)

I've only been able to find 3 things that work:

hot water bottle/heating pad
hot shower or bath
wine

Anyone else have any other suggestions? Do you have trouble keeping your feet warm this time of year? Speaking of--does anyone else get chilly after eating a meal? I've heard that it's your metabolism working. Or am I just a weirdo? (don't answer that)

Since wine is one of the only things that keeps me warm, you know I'll be keeping a glass nearby for the next few months. Today's Virtual Wine Club choice is Rooster Black from Weathervane Winery:

A Merlot, flavored with sweet blackberries, is perfect for sipping!

So as much as I love this time of year with the chill in the air, the colors, the holiday cheer--I dread not being able to feel my toes again until around May.

Cheers!

Brain Elliptical

2010-11-05T22:44:00.002-04:00

I am possibly one of the world's worst spellers.

It's embarrassing (yea I spelled embarrassing wrong just now) how many of those red squiggly line's indicating you've misspelled something show up during any writing I do.

But that's what spell check is for. And I do learn from my mistakes--I pay attention to the word's that I've misspelled and try to not do it again. At least in that same paragraph.

However, there will ALWAYS be words I will never ever spell correctly on my first try:

guarantee
restaurant
convenience
license

I accept that I am a rotten speller, so to combat my weakness, I like to give my brain a good exercise.

By playing a game on my phone.

Sounds real intelligent, huh?

I've been playing Words With Friends--a version of Scrabble--on my phone for the past few months. I have come up with some doozies--one word I thought I had made up (turned out to be real!) gave me 88 points!

I love getting the triple word score! E-mail me: reprojeans at gmail dot com
if you have this game and want to challenge my skills! (not much of a challenge, I promise)

How do you keep your brain challenged? I tried doing Soduku--I end up getting way too frustrated! I do love crosswords--my goal is to complete the USAToday puzzle someday. I rock at the People Magazine crossword--of course that's all pop culture :)

And they say, a glass of red wine a day is good for you--so feel smart when you drink this glass for today's Virtual Wine Club: Duplin Winery's Burgundy wine


The driest of our red wines, Burgundy is made from the Noble grape and picked early in the season. It has a complexity that can only be achieved with special aging. This full-bodied favorite is soft, dry , and velvety with a clean finish.

Cheers!

Monkey See, Monkey Do

2010-11-04T23:49:00.001-04:00

My little Oman turned 21 months old today--and it's appropriate that we decided to dress him up as a monkey (actually a sock monkey) for Halloween, because he is in the mimic stage. It's so much fun--so rewarding to watch him communicate with us and seeing him learn something new almost every day.

Let it be said that it's also a bit challenging--I of course have to watch what I say and do a bit more and I often wonder if I am doing enough to help him learn and grow. I get sucked into those "Your Baby Can Read!" infomercials and pass a Montessori school on the way out of my neighborhood every day. I don't expect him to be the next Einstein, but I already feel the pressure of making sure I am doing enough as the "elder monkey" to make sure he's getting enough: playtime, learning opportunities, etc.

But I don't need to worry too much--the fact that he knows how to operate my cell phone better than I do means he'll be just fine.

In honor of the last type of wine I drank before starting IVF numero dos, that blessed me with my little monkey, please enjoy a glass of Fetzer Gewurztraminer for today's Virtual Wine Club--a funky name, but oh so refreshing and delish.

Rich, fruity and clean aromas of orange spice join with
pineapple, baked pears and hints of tell-tale cinnamon.

And how creepy, yet oddly appealing, is this?

A sock monkey wine bottle cover. Wow.

Cheers!

The Blues

2010-11-03T22:20:00.002-04:00

First, thank you for all the "yes, kick that group to the curb!" sentiments. I do hope that I can connect with some other momma's in my area--I just might start handing out flyers at the park:

-----------------

So today I have to share something that is so silly when I say it out loud, but I can't help the way I feel. I am hoping I'm not the only one.

I tend to develop an emotional attachment to "things"...like this chair:

Notice the sweet lab that has made herself at home. She did this quite often. This is only one of the many reasons I am sad that this chair (and it's twin) no longer sit in my den. (she's still wandering around looking for them...)

My parents bought these blue rocking chairs in 1988...they moved from house to house, got placed in storage, turned upside down in a moving van, and endured lots of people rocking and swiveling.

So, we recently crossed off a major honey-do item on our list--painting the interior of our house--and of course that meant I needed to redecorate the living room a tad. Which led to me finding new chairs (I love craigs list!) that match our couch, living room decor, etc. Apparently when you are a grown up, it's nice to have furniture that matches. Who knew!

But oh no. That meant the blue chairs had no where to go. I tried thinking of ways to rearrange the rooms, push things way back in a closet, or make room in the garage. Sadly, there just wasn't room to store them this time.

I made the last ditch effort to see if anyone else in my family wanted to claim them...I don't think they had quite the attachment I did. So I regretfully placed them on our driveway when we had a garage sale a few weeks ago. I thought for sure someone would buy them right away. But there they sat at the end of the sale. Then they got posted on craigs list--"Great chairs!", but still no takers. On Sunday, I gave them one last look as Mook drove them away to Goodwill...then I got the phone call that Goodwill wouldn't take them because they were "too-worn-out".

"Maybe this is a sign," I thought! I could draw up plans to add an addition on to the house--we could knock down a wall in our bedroom and have a place for the blue chairs!

Can you just for a second imagine the look Mook gave me?

I couldn't even watch when the garbage trucks came the other day...I seriously got teary when I heard them come down the street.

What is it about certain material things in our life that hold such a strong emotional attachment? Those chairs had no feelings, they didn't realize they were being tossed to the curb. But I knew and it made me think of my old house, or using one of the chairs as my closet in my first apartment when I had no closet.

May you rest in peace in rocking-chair heaven, blue chairs. You were so comfortable and soft--I raise my virtual wine glass to you. Today, take a moment to remember some thing that meant a lot to you--and enjoy a glass of Biltmore Winery's fantastic Riesling for today's Virtual Wine Club:

Cheers!


This classic Riesling is crisp and semi-sweet with delicate fruit flavors, an aromatic nose and a hint of spice.

never gonna be president

2010-11-02T23:12:00.006-04:00

Appropriate for election day, eh? Did you vote?

I don't plan on running for the oval office anytime soon, but I'm just letting you all know I definitely won't be listed on the ballot for my local mom's group.

I hosted a play-date today for the mom's group I've been a member of since late last year. I've only been able to do a few events here and there due to: a) a lot of the events are during nap time, b) I cannot attend due to all Mook's travel, and c) I still just don't feel 100% comfortable being in a Mommy group. I feel like an outsider. I almost didn't go back after the first group event, where I took part in a conversation where another mom said, "...and I went off BC half way through my cycle, and I still got pregnant! I am sick of being pregnant!"

Ugh.

But, I give anything a second chance. And then I even gave it a third and fourth try. I don't like giving up, but....I give up. There were 8 toddlers and 6 Mom's in my living room this morning. Let me give you a run down of what happened:

A majority of the mom's did not watch their kids once they stepped through my door. I don't expect you to hover over your child, but let's keep them from climbing onto my kitchen counter, shall we?
There were 3 moms that whispered to each other almost the entire time. Like, hold your-hand-up-to-cover-your-mouth kind of whisper. We are not in middle school. And, how rude.
Discipline your child. That is all.
Do not watch your child mash a goldfish into my carpet and then walk away.
Most of the conversations were about how much money their husband's make, and when everyone is planning on popping out their next kid.

I want Oman to have play-dates and friends, and I want mom's to connect with and share a glass of wine with...but this may not be the right fit. I was trying to talk myself into making this group work for me, but now I realize no one is forcing me. I'm not being mean and unreasonable, right?

So in honor of my crazy morning, today's wine for the Virtual Wine Club is something that is "far out". Mook brought this wine home after one of his business trips this year, and I am head-over-heals in love with Cosmic Charisma from Long Trout Winery.

"You may have a couple of good points, but this beauty has charisma. It's like a circus in your mouth,
watch out for the midget clowns! It's cosmically delicious."

Got your glass ready?

Cheers to kicking the bratty kids and crazy momma's to the curb. Can all of YOU move closer so we can have awesome play-dates all the time? Ok, thanks.

Virtual Wine Club

2010-11-01T15:52:00.003-04:00

Not to be mistaken with whine, but I forewarn you--there may be bit of that this month. But in return for you putting up with the occasional whine, I am going to offer you a virtual glass of wine each day this month. Fair trade?

Ever signed up for a Beer of the Month, Cheese of the Month, Wine of the Month club, etc? Well, in honor of NaBloPoMo (National Blog Posting Month), here's my sales pitch: you get a virtual glass of wine each DAY this month when you come by to visit--I'll pick a wine, tell you all the details, and we'll raise a toast at the end of each post. You may pick up some new favorites, hopefully you will share some of your favorites, and we'll all toast our super-special community. AND, at the end of the month, I'm going do a drawing for a bottle of real wine. You can comment on one post or all thirty--no biggie--just get your name in the hat at some point! Mouth watering yet? Mine is!

I have to say I had a great time doing this last year. I was proud of myself--I went through the entire alphabet , and had a great time re-reading all the posts recently--its a great reminder to try and make time to post even when you have a lot going on, because this is such a great way to journal life-happenings.

So to get things started, I am going to choose my first glass of wine to share with you all: it's from a vineyard not too far from me--and it's actually the wine we had for our wedding toast. Please enjoy a glass of Ison Sweet Blush:

Less fruity,
Light bodied blush wine

No calories, no after-wine-headache, just a good ole-fashioned glass of virtual wine! Good, huh?
I'm looking forward to this month, the writing, the wine, and having this great group of gals get me through the whine.

Cheers to NaBloPoMo!

Join others in our corner of the blog world writing for NaBloPoMo.

Visit Suzy's blog for more details!

Wordless Wednesday: Big Stepper

2010-10-20T09:00:00.007-04:00

Five Alive

2010-10-15T14:00:00.055-04:00

Exactly five years ago at this very moment (if I can get this to post exactly at 2pm!), I said "I do"

Officially a Mr & Mrs!

I'm sure there are those of you out there that can agree--some days it feels like it's only been 2 months, and other days it feels like 20 years!

And I will be the first to tell you--the past five years have been happy, but not a walk in the park. Marriage is hard work. Throw two people together with their finances, opinions, religious backgrounds, dirty socks, bad habits, tampons and you've got one helluva pairing.

Then just for fun, add infertility into the mix.

When we tossed out the birth control after a year and a few months of marriage, we thought we were prepared to get pregnant and have a family. Well, we were--but we were not prepared for the toll the quest of becoming parents would have on our relationship.

We suffered.....we yelled at each other, we withdrew emotionally, we lost our tempers, we stopped functioning as a couple.

There were some truly dark, dark days.

But...

We survived....we hugged, we talked, we went to counseling, we laughed, we grew stronger as a couple.

Of course not all of our triumphs and dark moments have been because of infertility--we fight like any couple. Just last night I was nagging him about a honey-do-list and he was leaving the dishes in the sink. But we kiss and make up. We put Oman down for bed together and sing him a song...then we sat holding hands on the couch.

I am incredibly thankful I get to spend next week with my husband of five years with a margarita in my hand and sand between my toes.

Hands in the sand five years ago...

show and tell: how 'bout them apples?

2010-10-14T11:05:00.000-04:00

Soon, this lovely basket of Gala and Fuji apples will be turned into: apple bread, apple jelly and chunky crockpot applesauce.

It's quite a bit of effort--but worth it. I am known to let out a groan or two when all the baking and pureeing starts, but when I take out a loaf or a pie from the freezer six months later and have the smell fill my kitchen, the only sound you'll hear me make is: yuuuuuuuum.

Is there something you cook or bake that is a lot of work, but you couldn't be happier when you get to sit down and actually enjoy the fruit (ha!) of your labor?

There are others standing at the front of the class participating in Suzy's Show and Tell , so be sure to visit them too!

Wordless Wednesday: Pumpkin

2010-10-13T13:00:00.000-04:00

Remember, Thoughtful Tuesday links are open until Friday!

Thoughtful Tuesday: My Bunch

2010-10-12T22:12:00.004-04:00

Each Tuesday, I'm going to share something I am either:

a) thankful for, b) something I witnessed that was an act of kindness, or c) something I did to "pay it forward"

I'd love it if you'd join me. One day a week. One thing. It can take 15 seconds or 4 hours. Don't you feel better when you are able to notice the pretty things in life? Leave a comment here, or share it in your own space, and enjoy being thoughtful...in more ways than one!

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This Tuesday: Braces Bunch

Back when I started blogging, I was still feeling a bit alone in the blogging community--I wasn't sure where I fit in, especially since I hadn't found a lot of people talking about male factor infertility.

So I had this idea--"I'm going to ask people who I don't know to send me their mailing address!"

Crazy, huh?

But it worked! HA!

And those who trusted my idea, have become some of my closest friends--not just in blogland, but in real honest to goodness every day life.

The Braces Bunch was formed on the idea that I never had braces growing up, and for some odd reason I felt left out because it seemed like all my friends had them--and even though they were painful, I wanted them too, because I wanted to fit in. I felt like getting the male factor infertility diagnosis made me a bit of an "outsider"--I was infertile, but it wasn't happening directly to my body, so I felt a bit like an impostor for a while...so I wanted to feel a bit more connected.

Here's the original explination:

"I was one of the lucky few...I never needed braces. Probably a good thing too since I have a strong dislike of anything resembling a dentist chair. But in some strange twisted way, I sometimes envied my friends who had them. They got to get out of school to get their braces tightened or adjusted, they got cool color-coordinated rubber bands, and often times it was a discussion at the lunch table over what foods they missed eating or couldn't have. I found myself on the outside of many conversations...

And 3 1/2 years later, we had our first official gathering. There are currently 32 bloggers as a part of the Bunch, so not all of us could be there--just six of us this time. But we had a great time--and I am so thankful for all of these ladies who have swapped notes, emails, birthday cards--I cannot imagine the past few years without this immense support system.


I did my best to draw our logo!

Visit here to learn more about The Braces Bunch!

What are you sharing on this Thoughtful Tuesday? (Links open until Friday!)

Thoughtful Tuesday: Design Stars

2010-09-28T23:04:00.001-04:00

Each Tuesday, I'm going to share something I am either:

a) thankful for, b) something I witnessed that was an act of kindness, or c) something I did to "pay it forward"

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This Tuesday: Plaid Rules.

Totally my bad in being late to my own party! I apologize that Thoughtful Tuesday is being posted at the very end of the day. However, I have a good excuse! No, really--I do!

Mook has been gone almost every week this entire year. And he's home for the next three weeks straight--so me and Oman are soaking up every moment we can.

But even this delayed post by no means its any less thoughtful. Quite the opposite.

I want to tell you all about the loverly ladies behind the powerhouse that is Plaid House Designs--and not only how thoughtful they are but how much thought they put into their work!

I don't consider myself a diva (you there...sort my M&M's for me!) but I had some pretty specific requests when I commissioned the designers to re-vamp my blog. And don't you agree it's a pretty swanky looking blog design?

So if you are in the market for a blog-face-lift, know someone who is, need a new blog header--you will be thankful you contacted the ladies at Plaid House!

What are you sharing on this Thoughtful Tuesday? (Links open until Friday!)

Howdy ICLW Peeps

2010-09-22T06:00:00.004-04:00

No, that's not some secret Internet speak I have created. It stands for: IComLeavWe--a community effort of connecting with other bloggers, leaving comments/feedback and as Mel says, "comments are the new hug–a way of saying hello, giving comfort, leaving congratulations." This is my first time participating!

So welcome to my little corner of the Internet. This has been my home since February of 2007 when I started blogging after getting our Male Factor Infertility diagnosis. Our "Road Map" chronicles our journey...but in brief, I've run the gamut of fertility treatments: timed intercourse with pre-seed, IUI, IVF, FET, IVF again, a subchorionic hematoma for the first 14 weeks of pregnancy, complete placenta previa, and now we are blessed to be parenting our little miracle--our sweet, and busy 19-month-old known as O-man here on the blog.

Due to some health issues and our own personal decisions, we will not be doing any more fertility treatments to add to our family. We would love to pursue adoption....so that is our hope. We aren't any where close to being ready to do so (financially or emotionally) but we are hopeful it will happen someday...

Thanks for visiting--I'm looking forward to meeting new blog buds!

Thoughtful Tuesday: Rainbow

2010-09-21T10:37:00.002-04:00

Each Tuesday, I'm going to share something I am either:

a) thankful for, b) something I witnessed that was an act of kindness, or c) something I did to "pay it forward"

---------------------------------------------------

This Tuesday: Rainbow

I've mentioned this a few times before...but its so weird that it needs to be mentioned every now and then so you, my dear friends, are reminded how I am a few crayons short of a full box.

I cannot eat a pack of M&Ms until I have separated them into rainbow color groups. It all started innocently when my Mom was teaching me how to count and recognize colors, but little did she know...she was creating a monster. (Love you, Mom!)

So when my BFF offered to send me a magazine that I could not for the life of me find here on the East Coast, she thought it would be cute to send me something else.


Pre-sorted M&Ms! She saved me A LOT of work!

I also wanted to share an act of kindness I witnessed this week....

My bloggy friend, Courtney, went out of her way to get a beautiful arrangement of flowers sent to our bloggy friend Suzy to let her know we were all thinking of her during her grandmother's funeral. Long story short, the florist failed. So all of Courtney's hard work didn't work out exactly like she had planned, but she handled the whole thing with grace--and in the end, we all know it was the thought that counts!

What are you sharing on this Thoughtful Tuesday?

Bra Tossing

2010-09-16T12:41:00.001-04:00

There I was.

Standing in the middle of my room. Holding the monitor in one hand, a tissue in the other.

It was midnight on Monday...I had just laid Oman back down--he had woken up screaming--a continuation of the past few weeks of restless sleep due to monster-teeth and a virus.

I glanced over at my empty bed...Mook had left that morning for another work trip.

I felt completely alone in that moment. That moment turned into me standing still in that exact same spot for 20 minutes.

My thoughts went allllll over the place. I'll give you a sample:

I am worried Oman will stop breathing.

What if the house temperature is too cold.
Where did I put my socks?
Why did Mook leave his water bottle on the dresser?
Is Oman going to be sick all the time now that he's in preschool?
When does Modern Family come back on? Is my DVR set to tape it?
How the hell did someone come up with Yo Gabba Gabba?
I wish the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse song didnt get stuck in my head.
It is now stuck in my head.
My marriage is taking a beating from Mook's job.
What if we had to go through treatment this year with all his travel....we
would never have been able to cycle.

Did I remember to put the flag up on the mail box?
I need to paint my toenails.
What if I need to go back to work and we have to pull Oman out of preschool?
I need to get things organized for the garage sale
Why is it called a garage sale?
I miss waking up next to my husband
But I dont miss his snoring
I don't take enough pictures
Is Oman still breathing?

(It's always interesting to look back and see how in the world your mind got from one thought to the next!)

I obviously had gotten so overwhelmed with thoughts, that I just sort of went into a trance. I put the monitor down, wiped away my tears, turned on the light and went over to my dresser.

One of my coping mechanisms when things are spiraling out of control, is to do something completely random and not associated with any of the tornado-of-thoughts that I am dealing with.

So I decided to weed through my underwear drawer.

(not my skivvies!)

I found nursing bras, undies that were way to small, bras that were meant for support, bras that were meant for the days that they match your undies (if you know what I mean--wink-wink), Granny-Panties, a random tank top that I thought I'd lost, my favorite-wear-any-day-of-the-week bra, a bra that was my faaaaavoooorite-but the one of the clasps broke 4 months ago--yet I still have it in my drawer, the bra that pushes me up in all the right places, the undies that I wear when I need to do laundry, my new sports bra, and the list goes on...

I started tossing everything onto the floor. First I tossed lightly. Then I started tossing them...some landed on the bed...a few got stuck on the fan blades...one on my poor dog's head. It felt good to just throw things. And by the last toss, I was laughing. Seeing bras and undies strewn about the room...well, let's just say I'm glad no one else walked in at that moment.

Then it was time to clean up.

And as I began to organize my personal effects, my thoughts magically started to sort themselves too. Well, to be fair, I didn't come to conclusions about anything specific, or worry any less about Oman's breathing--but I now had a clean and organized drawer, and my mind was settled enough that I could lay back down and get some sleep.

So the next time you're overwhelmed? Toss some skivvies across the room! But really--what do you do that's "out-there" when you need to clear your mind?

Wordless Wedneday: IV Drip

2010-09-15T13:42:00.000-04:00

'Nuff Said.

Thoughtful Tuesday: a simple reminder

2010-09-14T06:00:00.049-04:00

Each Tuesday, I'm going to share something I am either:

a) thankful for, b) something I witnessed that was an act of kindness, or c) something I did to "pay it forward"

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This Tuesday: Simple Reminders

I thought I had completely come out of a end-of-summer-time funk...but it turns out it still has been lingering a bit. More on that later....

But even in a funk/fog/bad mood, I really appreciate the small things in life.

Last week after I had my nerve severing procedure, I got home to these beautiful flowers:


Sunshine from Rotten

And yesterday when I got home from picking up O-man from preschool, the house was quiet....Mook was gone again. We had said our goodbyes earlier during a rushed morning, and I missed him. It made my entire day when I got to the kitchen and saw this yellow-post-it-note:


Love on a post-it

Having even the slightest reminder that someone loves you can make all the difference in the world.

What are you sharing on this Thoughtful Tuesday?

Thoughtful Tuesday: Rock-a-bye-baby...

2010-09-07T06:00:00.073-04:00

Each Tuesday, I'm going to share something I am either:

a) thankful for, b) something I witnessed that was an act of kindness, or c) something I did to "pay it forward"

---------------------------------------------------

This Tuesday: Sleep

I've been a lucky Momma--my boy loves to sleep. He started sleeping through the night at 5 weeks old, and has done really well on a schedule. Yes, we have had our challenges with nap regression, and waking at odd hours and wanting to play, but overall--he loves being in dreamland.

So for the past three nights, I've wondered what in the world happened to my sleeping babe. He's had a fever and oy the teeth--it's been like the newborn stage all over again. I am also someone who enjoys sleep--Ive never been good at pulling all-nighters, and I just honestly need a good 6 hours of sleep to feel "normal".

Ive felt myself getting frustrated--and have had to remember he cannot communicate with me yet what is hurting or bothering him. Self-admittedly, Mook is the one in the house that gets frustrated fast--and I am so thankful he has been calming me down. I'm also doing my best (in the wee hours of the morning, mind you) to soak in the cuddles on the couch while watching Yo Gabba Gabba.

I also remember there were days where I cried to the universe that I would give anything (even sleepless nights) to be able to take care of my baby. Thank you, universe for listening to me, and for reminding me that you gave me exactly what I asked for.

For that, I am so thankful.

What are you sharing on this Thoughtful Tuesday?

Introducing....Thoughtful Tuesday

2010-08-31T14:31:00.001-04:00

I once had the grandiose idea that I would start a blog and post something each day that I was thankful for, or for something I had done to "pay it forward" that day.

365 days is a lot. I admire those people who blog about something each and every day--and I so wish I had been more diligent about writing in my paper journal growing up. But hindsight is 20/20, right? So instead of saying "I wish I should have, or I wish I could have...." I am just doing something.

Each Tuesday, I'm going to tell you about something I am either: a) thankful for, b) something I witnessed that was an act of kindness, or c) something I did to "pay it forward"

I'd love it if you'd join me. One day a week. One thing. It can take 15 seconds or 4 hours. Don't you feel better when you are able to notice the pretty things in life? Leave a comment here, or share it in your own space, and enjoy being thoughtful...in more ways than one!

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This Tuesday: Thankful.

Thankful that I started blogging. What I thought was a simple decision three years ago, has been such a monumental "thing" in my life. To be able to look back on thoughts, re-read supportive comments, not to mention the ah-ma-zing friendships that have developed because of it. And I love the fact that this blog will always be the "pair" of jeans that will always be the perfect fit.

Photo Friday: The Sweetest Word

2010-08-29T12:49:00.001-04:00

I do hate arriving late, so I apologize that I am showing up a wee bit belated to the Photo Friday party.

But I have a good excuse! This weeks photo topic was one that I put off because it ended up being particularly emotional for me.

As I mentioned earlier, the O-man starts a preschool program...this coming week. We got our introduction letter and instructions for school last week, and with it came the standard request to place your child's name on their belongings.

That simple task has been the hardest for me. Not buying school shoes, picking out cute outfits, making sure his bag is packed. I guess since his name means so much to us, it evokes those emotions when I see it written out. And honestly, I havent had a reason to really write it out that much up to this point.

So as I took the Sharpie out and turned his sippy cup upside down, I let myself slip back in the memory of why we chose his name and how much I love the little boy who is growing up so fast!

And just because I was late to the party, don't forget to check out the other photos this week!

Ooooh and dontcha like my blog face lift? More on this soon, but the wonderful ladies at Plaid House Designs made this happen.

Earmarked

2010-08-24T08:00:00.115-04:00

Remember in the "old days" when you would go on vacation and come home anxious to check the answering machine for messages from your friends or the stack of mail waiting to be sifted through?

My sister and I couldn't wait to see the red number flashing on the machine...I think when we were both teenagers, the record of messages was around 25. I think my parents wanted to rip out the phone right then and there.

Then there was the mail: I loved going through the huge pile that sat on the hutch by the front door. As I raced to unpack my portion of the car (had to unpack before listening or sifting) I'd imagine what magazines and letters I had waiting for me. I had great pen pals: camp friends, cousins, friends who had moved away. And then the magazines--ooh to see the new one just waiting to have the pages earmarked!

Well, cell phones have taken away the joy of anticipating the answering machine when I come home...and I doubt that in this stage of my life, any of my friends would call to tell me who they saw kissing so-and-so at the local pool...but you never know. :)

So I still cling to the excitement over the pile of mail that is waiting for me. It truly makes me giddy.

Sort of silly, since I can't just toss the bills, credit card applications, AKA: boring stuff, to the side anymore. But ohhhh do I look forward to the occasional letters, notes, cards, postcards, magazines.

I am happy to say that I had a few postcards, a letter, and two magazines. My favorite magazine was one of the two, so I put it to the side to enjoy after O-man went to sleep.

When I got to page 73 and saw a photo of a couple holding the hands of a child, I immediately focused on the title/subtitle:

my one and only

Should we have another child or leave well enough alone?

A great, sincere article. So many of the author's words brought my emotions to the surface--especially the honest to God truth that family building can be halted by what she called "the nasty, shameful issue of money." Oh how I, along with many, can relate.

The last paragraph is a grouping of words that have me sitting up well past my bedtime:

"Or perhaps in another lifetime I will meet my other child, the one I won't be having.
Or she will come to me in a dream in this life, and we will live together every night,
after I fall asleep.
Yes, I say to myself, yes. It isn't that she doesn't exist.
It is just that she lives on the other side, and I will visit her and love her there."

This may be a far stretch from the articles I used to earmark (How to Tell if Your Boyfriend Loves You!) but I'm so glad this magazine was in my anticipated mail pile today. It was just what I needed to read.

Perfect Moment Monday: Disconnected

2010-08-23T13:00:00.001-04:00

I took full advantage of the fact that Mook's Crackberry was off all last week during his vacation: we decided to make the whole week technology free. I twitched a few times without access to Twitter or checking blogs, but I survived! Reading a book with my feet dug deep into the sand while dozing off, only to be woken up by a huge wave soaking me and the pages of my book: perfection.

*************

As I resurface into reality, I have lots of technology to catch up on as well as re-visiting my neurologist today for yet another consultation on what to do with the cyst on my head. Mook is on yet another plane, O-man is teething and showing clear signs of the terrible twos, and I have a nasty cold. I hate being sick in the summer.

Hopefully the cold and the tantrums will subside so the Oman and I can take advantage of the last few days of summer before he starts preschool!

Be sure to visit Lori and see other Perfect Moments!

The Mint Man

2010-08-14T21:00:00.000-04:00

Earlier this week, O-man and I met my sister for lunch at a place where my parents used to take me when I was itty-bitty.

This place is truly a place. Not just another restaurant to me-it's where I can recall one of my earliest memories. How cool is that?

My memory is holding a shiny green square (ok, of course I didnt know that it was green and square at the time--I was two) but the fact that my brain can pull that out of the filing cabinet of memories is pretty cool to me.

Another cool thing is that we moved to another state not long after that memory was formed, but now that I have moved back to this area in my adult life, I'm only 20 minutes away.

So let me get back to the shiny green square.

After every meal, the bill was paid and the man from behind the counter would come around and hand me one of these mints. Little did he know, he had given a little blond headed girl a special gift. It may be just another choice in the many varieties of chocolate to everyone else, but to me it always represents a memory. And that makes the calories seem worth it.

Better yet? That same man is still there.

And that same man came from behind the counter, smiled at me and then bent down to hand my son a shiny green square.

Black With Grey Polka Dots

2010-08-08T15:39:00.001-04:00

I've been in a funk...a pretty ugly one too.

Whenever I tell Mook I have a headache, he immediately says, "What color is it?" Ever heard of doing that? I say the first color that comes to mind--sometimes its purple with red stripes, yellow with blue swirls, or just plain pink. For some reason, it helps me identify the pain, and the headache goes away faster. Who knows why this works...the brain is a powerful, mysterious machine.

So although my funk is not a headache, it all originates in my brain and the color of this funk is: black with grey polka dots.

To battle this funk, I need to clear my brain of thoughts that I might otherwise just keep to myself or feel silly sharing. I was inspired by my friend spokeit and her honesty. Seems like perfect timing for me to do the same.

1. I take it really personally when a friendship dissolves or seems uncertain. Especially when I'm not sure why. It's happened with blog and IRL relationships recently, and it just stinks.

2. I have such a love-hate relationship with Facebook. It makes me feel great when I reconnect with an old friend, but I hate that most times I log-out feeling like it's one big high school lunch room.

3. I have a new obsession. Chocolate covered marshmallows. These caught my eye in the grocery store the other week, and I convinced myself I needed to try them. I'm embarrassed to tell you I have gone through at least 8 bags.

4. O-man is starting a pre-school program in 3 weeks. I have so many emotions about this. I feel like I'm sending him off to college.

5. I over analyze a lot. A lot.

6. I have let out many heavy sighs over some of my favorite blogs closing, or just not seeing posts anymore. It's like reaching the last few pages of a great book, and you don't want to turn the page because you want to treasure those last words.

7. Speaking of blogs, I am more aware that my blog purpose is changing. Since we are in limbo land as far as what our family plans are, I am now a "Parenting after IF" and general goofy stuff blog. And I'm finally OK with that.

8. I worry about money all the time.

9. I need to put on my iPod and sing like I'm in the American Idol finale, at least once a week. It clears my head and lets good juju in.

10. I find it easier to talk myself into doing something I don't want to do, by doing that thing for someone else. Confused? My lab needs to loose some weight--she's been eating too many of O-man's leftovers. But really, I'm the one that needs the exercise. But I get to say she's the one on the Dog Diet when we go walking. Wink, wink.

Whew, I feel better already. The fog is lifting....please feel free to release your funky stuff too. Let it go here, and leave it with my funky stuff.

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I enjoyed the time Mook was able to be at home last week--and since I didn't have my surgery, we've been able to cross multiple items off the Honey-Do-House-List. We've made time for some fun things, too: Children's Museum, watching the O-man eat his first Freeze Pop, cooking out and spending time in those chairs I mentioned!

Gotta sign off--Oman likes for EVERYTHING to be closed these days. No doors are safe, and apparently neither is my lap top....

Its pronounced...canceled.

2010-08-05T10:17:00.002-04:00

*updated*

Surgery was canceled.
Still unresolved as to what happens next.
I'm frustrated and still in pain.

But I get to spend time with Mook and O-man.

And eat lots of chocolate thanks to some special people.

Thanks for all your warm fuzzies.

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English is my first language, and I still have issues with it.

I've been doing some freelance work for a photographer in my area, and English is not her first language--so a lot of my job is helping her translate things to read correctly in our language so we can write/design marketing pieces for her business.

We had our weekly meeting on Monday, and I told her that I wouldn't be able to check e-mails on Wednesday because I was "going under the knife" Well, the look I got told me she was not familiar with this slang phrase we silly English speaking people have come up with.

So I literally spelled it out to explain the phrase to her. I think she sort of understood--but then the focus shifted to the word: Knife. We both expressed our frustration on why so many of our words are not pronounced like they are spelled.

I've decided that instead of going under the KNIFE, I am going under the CAHNIF today instead. The cyst I mentioned a while back--it has to be removed. The thing has a pulse, and is making the left side of my head hurt constantly. A Cahnif sounds much less menacing. Maybe I won't freak out as much thinking of my head being cut into with something that doesn't actually exist?

I'll let you know....

Wordless Wednesday: Chairs

2010-07-28T12:27:00.000-04:00

I guess I won't be too wordless today, but I'll keep it short and sweet.

I took this on a rainy day last month--and those rainy days have been few and far between this summer. But the reason I really like this shot, are the chairs that are in the soft focus.

Those are the chairs on our back patio that Mook and I plant our rears in when the lightening bugs start their summer dance.

So in an emo-artsy sorta way, the rain on the window makes me think of tears--since Mook and I haven't had many opportunities to just sit and be this year, especially this summer. I've seen him a total of 8 days this month.

I'm incredibly thankful for his job--just hoping that things calm down soon so we can plant our rears in those chairs, roast marshmallows and watch Oman chase the lightening bugs.

Glitterazzi

2010-07-21T23:06:00.002-04:00

*UPDATE*
Correct toe matches:
Calliope: Liberace Silver
Rottenstinker: Sunkist Orange
LJ: Emo-Black-Purple
Somewhat Ordinary: Pretty-Pretty Princess Pink
JJ: Iron Man Red-and-Gold

Each blogger at Schlubfest* is unique.

Just like our toes:

Pretty-Pretty Princess Pink, Emo-Black-Purple, Sunkist Orange,
Liberace Silver, and Iron Man Red-and-Gold

Can you pair the glitter-clad toes to the right blogger?

If you match correctly, we'll send you a piece of Schlubfest pie.

*Schlubers: JJ, Rottenstinker, Somewhatordinary, LJ, Calliope

Ingredients of Schlubfest

2010-07-20T11:56:00.000-04:00

Main Entry: Schlubfest*
Variant(s): also shlub \ˈshləb\
Function: noun
Etymology: Yiddish zhlob, zhlub yokel, boor
Date: 2009, 2010

slang : a gathering of pajama-clad women, no makeup, junk food, wine, blogging,
toddler chaos,and more poopy diapers than you could shake a stick at.

Mom's* who are grateful for the toddlers who will surely provide reason for all of the above.
JJ, Rottenstinker, LJ, Somewhatordinary, Cali

Photo Friday: Chocolate Companion

2010-07-16T10:05:00.000-04:00

Mook and I have always been dog people, so it was only natural for us to adopt a precious little pup as we were starting our life together.

As we drove to pick her up, we still hadn't agreed on a name. Let me just share some of Mook's brilliant suggestions: Lunchbox, Milkshake (that is her middle name), Darth Vader, Taxi...

So you get the idea.

Mine of course, were much more intelligent ;)

We finally settled on something that deserves a resounding "Awwwwwww"....we named her after the dorm where we met in college.

Here she is at only 6 weeks old...

And as you can see, even at 75 lbs, she still thinks she is a puppy.

I took this this morning after she chased a cat out of the back yard.

I can clearly see the gray forming around her mouth and spattered across her coat. She'll be 6 next year--still young in my opinion! I hope she's with us for many more years--she and Oman are really starting to become best buds. Just the other night, I got up for some water, and noticed that J wasn't in her usual spot near my bed. I got a bit concerened since it usually means she's wandered off to get sick somewhere in the house. However, I found her curled up right outside Oman's door. Melted my heart on the spot....

Today's other Photo Friday entries are over here--go check 'em out!

My Place

2010-07-14T11:38:00.001-04:00

I know where I want my final resting place to be.

I don't mean to start out on a morbid note, because to me, it brings me a lot of peace knowing exactly where I want to "return to to dust"

By the sweat of your brow
you will eat your food
until you return to the ground,
since from it you were taken;
for dust you are
and to dust you will return.

Genesis 3:19

My place is one that is full of life, memories, the echo of past footprints, a wooden swing, faded paint from years of sun, and the knowledge that if you keep your feet on the floor, you'll know someone is approaching by the vibration of the wooden planks.

July 4, 2010

My family knows this place as "The Sit.tum" -- our slang for the dock that sits off the family beach house where we sit 'em down. Our rears, that is :) I think each of my family members agrees that this is the most peaceful spot on the planet to us. And we each love it for the individual memories we have.

You know the saying, "If these walls could talk..." Just modify that a bit : "If these boards could talk"

They are still the original wooden planks that were used to build the dock 29 years ago. So they've "felt" all sorts of memories.

Eating breakfast with my cousin as the sun came up, devouring watermelon and seeing who could spit the seeds the furthest into the marsh, countless sunsets, watching military helicopters prepare for Desert Storm, late night star gazing with my soon-to-be-husband, watching fireworks with my grandparents, standing in the sun and shouting into the wind, "I want to be a Mom!", prayers that the miracle growing in my belly would hang on through a bleeding scare, my sister's wedding, and most recently having that not-so-little miracle sitting on the swing with me--holding my hand, and sitting still as we enjoyed some precious mother-son time.

So you can get a glimpse to why this is My Place...so many meaningful life moments, that it has always been easy for me to think of it as a final place. So tell me--am I the only "dark and twisty" one? I even know what song I'd like played at my funeral (Seat Ne.xt To You, Bon Jo.vi)

I do think this has been on my mind more recently, just for the fact that my family just celebrated my grandfather's 90th birthday. Spending time with him last week was so special--and I realize how lucky I am that all four of my grandparents are still living. I haven't known a summer at My Place without my grandparents being there...

I spent time last week repainting parts of the dock that I had stenciled with palm trees and waves when I was 10...twenty years of sunshine had made the paint fade quite a bit. But I did leave one section in its original form...just as a reminder to all who visit that My Place is welcoming of all things past, present and future....